Sunday, October 19, 2008

I can't sleep

Im not sure what my deal is, I am sure it has something to do with the fact that I just got done working three shifts in a row, so my body has grown quite accustomed to being up all night. I have worked the night shift for almost 3 years now, and it seems as though my body has forgotten how to sleep. Anyone who knows me, use to find this rather odd since me and sleeping have always gotten along quite well. But try as I may I cannot seem to sleep at night. It doesn't matter if I take a muscle relaxer It is 6am and I am still wide awake. I'm sure having lots on my mind doesn't help, but i'm sure I could have nothing on my mind and still find a million things to think about. If I'm not up watching tv, then i'm left lying in bed just thinking. Never about anything or anyone in particular just lost in thought. It's at night, when perhaps we should be dreaming, that the mind is most clear, that we are most able to hold all our life in the palm of our skull. I don't know if anyone has ever pointed out that great attraction of insomnia before, but it is so; the night seems to release a little more of our vast backward inheritance of instincts and feelings. It seems to be at night when I come up with my greatest ideas, only to be quickly forgotten again when I awake. I like the quote that says: Insomnia is a gross feeder. It will nourish itself on any kind of thinking, including thinking about not thinking.
Clifton Fadiman Its true, even thinking about not thinking, will cause you not to sleep. I have been told by many people that I should quit working nights, and somehow that would correct my problem, but somehow I don't think that will happen. Some people can function in the morning, but not me, I was never meant to be a morning person. So here I am stuck, I don't sleep at night, and yet I can't work days. I used to credit being in my house alone to the reason why I wasn't sleeping, but even with a roommate these days I just can't seem to sleep at night. The frustrating part is, I don't work Saturday night so I can make it to church and then crap like this happens and Im supposed to be able to get up for church in 5 hours. Oh well, in the mean time, im listening to music. These are two songs I am really enjoying now.


The new Nickelback song "Gotta be somebody"


Natasha Bedingfield's song "Angel

2 comments:

Amanda said...

DUDE---If you are up all night I wish you could come and Nurse L and take care of him! I woudl LOVE to sleep:) Of course I am so used to being up too that I know I would have a hard time staying asleep!

Unknown said...

Aww love Natasha! :)