Oh how I love my job....

I have written blogs in the past about the joys of my job. Not on this blog, but on the one I used to keep on myspace. Of course there are good things about what I do, otherwise why on earth would I show up to my job, well besides the fact that I get paid fairly well to be there. But never have I ever claimed to have a job that was full of perks. While I don't claim to be the only person with a job that has its downsides, I think I rank quite high up there in the category of "jobs that appear to be cool, but in fact are quite disgusting." I don't plan to go into any extreme details, because I fear someone may be eating at the very moment they are reading this blog and I don't want them to run to the bathroom, a good meal ruined by me. Although if stories are what you want, I have a collection like you wouldn't believe, just ask I can be the life of a party with my stories, lol jk.

I started thinking about how much I really love my job while at work about 7 months back... I had to give a suppository to an 8 year old child, one that we as nurses would call a "total care" child. Hes here but hes definitely not all here if you know what I mean. And while that is not one of the more enjoyable things I do, I assure you, its a lot better, than changing the 8 year olds diaper with explosive diarrhea such as this one. But you think, that's really not that bad, but what about suctioning boogers out of kids noses (which can in a weird way be quite satisfying to do). Then there's doing catheters, (I have great stories with this one) putting tubes down noses, giving shots, collecting stool samples, cleaning up vomit, and the list goes on. Not to mention I have tons of kids with respiratory problems where you have to listen to their lungs and watch their oxygen saturations and if they drop below a certain point, reposition them, and suction their noses and when all else fails put them on oxygen which is always a joy. Trying to get little kids to allow you to put little prongs up their noses with air blowing through it can be quiet a daunting task. I have had kids where it has required up to 4 of us to hold them down just to get it on and taped in place, and in some cases to have them rip it right back off again.

Most days I love the kids I work with. Many of them change my life. And then there are the kids that you want to just slap their parents for letting them behave the way they do, or for letting them get as sick as they are. But all the bad things included, nursing is what I do.

Sorting through my pictures

I was taking some pictures of my memory card tonight, and i thought I would just share some of the pictures. They are all random nothingness, just stuff I wanted to photograph.

An underexposed picture of the night sky, but looks kinda funky


Shopping at Costco, as always my camera was in my purse








The sky when I left work this morning at 730am


Where I work


Halloween time at Jinbeh


My beautiful little sister on our girls night


Saw this at Target, it made me laugh

Too funny

Word to the wise: Always check your children's homework......

( Mommy works at Home Depot --- she was selling a shovel !!!! )

From 10 to 1

I decided to take the opportunity to do this blog tag for my own entertainment. It may not make sense to many but for me, it has been a load off;)! I am not tagging anyone, but if you want to do it, consider yourself tagged. I found it challenging yet releasing.

10 things I wish I could say to 10 different people:

1) I know you think we are perfect for each other, but I don't feel the same. As hard as that may seem, I will never feel that way, stop comparing me to everyone else, just move on.
2) I wish you could just suck it up and face your fears, stop letting them hold you back and not being able to experience life to its fullest, so what if you fail, at least u tried, that's a lot more than you can say about your past.
3) I hate that I can't be there for you all the time. I know your reasons you had to leave, but its still hard for me to hear u are sick and alone.
4) No one has a bigger heart than you, I wish you could see yourself like others see you, you are an amazing person!
5) Sometimes I wish you would just turn your brain on, just once in a while. Maybe then you wouldn't say the things you say.
6) I wish you would trust me more, I know I haven't always made the best decisions in my life, and I know you will never stop worrying, but eventually you will let me grow up.
7) If given then opportunity I will love you harder and longer than anyone ever has.
8) I wish you had listened to us when we were all trying to warn you before. I hate this situation that you have gotten yourself into, and I wish so bad that I could take the pain away. You deserve better!
9) I don't know if I tell you this enough, but I am so proud of what you have done with your life. I know I wasn't always there for you like I should have been, but you have become one amazing woman!
10) I know you are a big dreamer, but do you always have to act on all of these dreams? Can't you just find one thing you like and stick with it. Be good at that, and don't be so flighty.

9 things about myself:

1) I can't stand Sunday pot roast dinner. I used to love it, but somewhere along the way I just stopped liking it. It doesn't kill me to eat it, but I just don't like it anymore. BLECH!
2) I don't have many things I have to have "just so" but I really do not like it if my toilet paper doesn't come up over the top. I hate it when it hands down below, don't know why, I just do.
3) I consider myself a fairly intelligent person but I say the dumbest things all the time, and I can't spell to save my life. When I was in first grade I could spell words I cannot even pronounce now, what happened to me?
4) As a nurse and someone who should be obsessed with germs, I'm not, at least not when im not at work, I have been known to share my food with my dogs.
5) I'm really allergic to fire ants, and yet I have been bit a ton of times. You would think I would be smart enough and wear shoes when I go outside and maybe gloves when I do yard work, but I don't and I get bit time and time again.
6) I had a horrible reaction to the MMR vaccine when I was younger, my parents hence have not given vaccinations to any of my sisters. But when I went to nursing school I went against my dads wishes and got all my vaccinations.
7) I come across as very outgoing, but I can be extremely shy. I am not big on groups, I will usually be found off somewhere away from everyone else if I don't feel comfortable.
8) I have always made fun of my dad and his silly jokes and silly sayings, and yet lately I have found myself repeating some of them. *Hits head on the desk*
9) I am the most patient person with my friends, but I tend to lose my patients easily with my family, why is that?

8 ways to win my heart:

1) Make me laugh
2) Listen to me, I know I ramble
3) Kiss me on my forehead
4) Laugh at my stupid jokes
5) Make it clear to me that you care about me
6) Talk to me
7) Be silly with me
8) Take interest in something I like

7 things that cross my mind a lot:

1) I need to not eat that
2) I have really got to work out more
3) I probably should be cleaning right now
4) My friends
5) My Family
6) I have got to find a way to make more money, and spend less
7) I need to find another roommate

6 things I do before I fall asleep:

1) Take my dogs to the bathroom
2) Brush my teeth
3) Take out my contacts
4) Put on my jammies
5) Set my alarm
6) Read my scriptures/say my prayers

5 People who mean a lot:

1. My parents
2. My sisters
3. My nephew Camden
4. My friends
5. My extended family

4 things I am wearing right now:

1. Scrubs
2. Long sleeved red shirt under my scrubs
3. Scrub jacket tied around my waist
4. My shox

3 CD's that I listen to a lot (currently)
1. We the Kings
2. Demi Lovato
3. Lesley Roy

2 things I want to do before I die:
1. Get married and have kids
2. Go on a mission with my husband

1 Confession:

I am often the absent minded professor type. I spend a lot of time contemplating, thinking and analyzing. My memory fails me often. My organization is pathetic. I can be quite lazy. My world is loosey-goosey and messy. Then there are times when I remember everything, and am motivated to do anything and everything all at once. I always expect the best from everyone, it has often let me down, but I believe this is the best way to be. I am non-judgmental and forgive easy. I try to be the best person I can, but that is always a work in progress. I like to surround myself with people who make me laugh, challenge me, and those who make me think.

Late night thinking

"We may not have it all together, but together we have it all"

This little quote was always found on this decoration my mom had or has I can't even remember now, on her wall for years. I have read it on a number of occasions. To me this little saying says a lot. So many people think that they have to have everything just right in their lives. They want to have all their little ducks in a row and what not before you can get married, or even while they are married. They think that I will be happy if only...my kids were perfect, my house was always clean, I was completely debt free, etc. Sure all those things are great, but are they absolutely necessary for happiness? Is it possible to be happy without everything just so? I mean hello, who really has a perfect life with everything just right? No one! There are ideal things that you would like, it doesn't always work out that way, and I plan to still try and look for happiness regardless! Who's with me?

Perfect girl, be gone!

As I sit here on my couch at one o'clock in the morning, drinking a pepsi , my inner perfect girl starts to creep up, and I am feeling like quite the failure. I am supposed to be eating well, and exercising 32 times a day, but I am just plain worn out, I'm PMSy, and I decided that for tonight, my inner Perfect Girl needs to BE GONE!

Many of us let our inner Perfect Girl take the driver’s seat because we believe that she knows all the answers and that she knows better than we do. Indeed, in many cases Perfect Girl has helped us be accomplished and get where we are in life. However, Perfect Girl can also hold you back from being your true self and from living your life to its fullest.

Perfect Girl likes to stay within her comfort zone. She will only tackle things she knows she can at least be 90% good at. If you only stick to things you think you’re good at, how do you know you’re not missing out on something you could be awesome at, but would never try because initially it doesn’t look like something you could be good at. Start stepping out of your comfort zone. Its ok to be an imperfect girl every once in a while. Just think how good it will feel to succeed at something you never thought you would!

Perfect Girl is high maintenance. Ever notice that when she is in charge, you are always tired, frustrated, and tense? Why, because Perfect Girl is unrealistic, relentless and pushes you constantly to go way above the call duty. Start asking yourself why you have to do more work than need be. There will be many days when you go to bed and the house is not in tip top shape. There are days when I leave work, content that at least at the end of the day all my are still alive and breathing. It is days like these, where Perfect Girl had to be sent to bed early, while Realistic Girl takes over for a while.

Perfect Girl can’t stop and smell the roses because she’s fixated on wanting to prune the roses, water the roses, and read tips from Martha Stewart to make her roses grow bigger and brighter. In reality, life is not a competition or a beauty contest, only Perfect Girl believes that.

Perfect Girl apologizes for everything whether it is her fault or not. You are not responsible for other people’s actions, only your own if you genuinely did something to warrant an apology. If they get mad, so what? They will get over it. When you apologize for others you are actually hindering their own growth. People learn by having to reap what they sow.

Perfect Girl is unrealistic and boring. Flaws and Imperfections are what make people real, its what makes us who we are. I know that Perfect Girl will rear her ugly head every once in a while, but its up to us to beat her back, push her away, and love our imperfect selves. It's okay to take risks, set boundaries, and learn from our mistakes is to embrace those truths in our own lives.

As Mormons I think that Perfect Girl seems creep into our lives more often than we like. Sometimes we think about a good Mormon wife and what she supposedly does. She bakes, knits, cleans, has a spotless house, exercises twice a day and eats 30 calories a day, does her visiting teaching every month (the first day), her genealogy is up to date (from Adam), she volunteers at the school, hospital and library (every day), she's read the scriptures at least twice this year (all 4 standard works), her husband comes home to a four course meal and her children are always polite, clean and on their way to being the next Bill Gates or Nobel Prize winner. That must be tiring! I need a nap just thinking about it.

I love to laugh

And as I have mentioned many many times Ellen Degeneres really gets me to truly laugh out loud. I thought I would share a few quotes I found, I couldn't stop laughing!

“Friends will write me letters. They run out of room on the front of the letter. They write 'over' on the bottom of the letter. Like I'm that much of a moron. Like I need that there. Because if it wasn't there, I'd get to the bottom of the page: 'And so Kathy and I went shopping and we--' That's the craziest thing! I don't know why she would just end it that way.”

“In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.”

“Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.”

“I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.”

“My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding?...Noooo...as funny as that is, I'm not”

“I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.”

Cell phone zombies

"Last month, 25 people died and 130 were injured in a train crash near Los Angeles. The cause, apparently, was a cell phone. In three hours of work before the crash, one of the engineers received 28 text messages and sent 29 more. He sent his last message 22 seconds before impact, just after passing a signal that would have alerted him to the disaster ahead.

Scientists call this phenomenon "cognitive capture" or "inattention blindness." The mind, captured by the world inside the phone, becomes blind to the world outside it. Millions of people move among us in this half-absent state. Mentally, they're living in another world. It's like the Rapture, except that they've left their bodies behind.

You see them everywhere. The woman alone in the grocery store, a bud in her ear, having an animated conversation with a wall of canned soup. The driver who drifts into your lane while counseling an invisible client. The jogger crossing four lanes of traffic, lost in her iPod. The dad who ignores his kids, living in his BlackBerry the way an alcoholic lives in a bottle."

Reading articles on msn, has become my new favorite way to find blog ideas. This article is really applicable to me, I do EVERYTHING while texting. While I find myself easily dismissing this idea as "something that would never happen to me" because I am just "that good" at texting and driving. It really gets you to think. But while I love what this article says, it in a way sparked another topic idea for me, and that is the idea of bluetooths. Of course that is a better alternative to holding your phone while driving, but does it ever just take you off guard? When you hear someone next to you talking, and there is no one else around, so you assume they are trying to talk to you and you answer, only to find out they are really talking to another person, via bluetooth. I have fallen victim to this many times, and it usually happens at the beginning of the their conversation. You are standing there, and all of the sudden you hear, "Hi, how are you?!!" Of course you would assume it is you they are talking to, and you turn and reply, "Good thanks," only to realize they are off in their own conversation. I hate bluetooths, talk about annoying lol! My car has this "fun" little function of being bluetooth enabled through the speakers in the car. Seems like a good idea, when you are alone in the car. But not so much fun when you are with others, and you are having a conversation through your speakers that EVERYONE can hear. Hence why I turned that function off, it was fun for a while, but annoying in the end.

Happiness

This is a topic I have touched on several times, I guess it is because it is the one thing that everyone is aspiring to have. However I was reading this article in the lifestyles section on msn.com and I found this article entitled 7 secrets to Happiness. There were lots of things that this article touched on that I found every important, like having a good group of friends, balancing your time etc. But the last 3 things on the list really hit me as something that was really important, so I thought I would share those with you.

5. It’s Crucial to Give in to Temptation

You log overtime at work, hit the gym religiously, stick to a low-fat, no-fun diet, and even remember birthdays. Or maybe you aren’t quite so type A. But you still get to work on time, kiss your boss’s ass when you’d rather kick it, and play nice to your folks. Face it, making it in this world takes some serious discipline, regardless of your personality profile. “The pressure to keep up is so exhausting that it would seem like the payoff for showing such restraint would be great,” says Seaward. “But if you don’t stop to savor something pleasurable, you’re going to wind up miserable.”

Clearly, you must indulge. Some thoughts: Splurge on a gourmet sandwich one day for lunch instead of brown bagging it. Surf the Web rather than returning that hundredth e-mail. Get the deluxe spa pedicure. “When you feel completely overwhelmed, that’s actually when you need to treat yourself the most,” says Seaward.

I love this idea, Im already game to splurge on myself!

6. Liking Yourself Is Nonnegotiable

Since you’re human, you have no doubt had one of those “Omigod! I can’t believe I said that” moments, followed by a “Stupid, stupid, stupid” fist to the forehead. Like, say, the time you introduced your guy to Bob the CEO at the office barbecue, only Bob’s name is actually Bill. Then you spent the rest of the night harping on what an idiot you are. “We tend to beat ourselves up, but it’s necessary to let ourselves off the hook,” says Ed Diener, PhD, professor of psychology and leading happiness researcher at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. “Inevitably, you’re going to make mistakes, and yet you still have to like yourself.”

The same holds true for those so-called physical imperfections that you let deflate you. You know, the slight crook in your nose that you swear makes you a prime candidate for The Swan. We can all point to 10 things that are wrong with us, but the key to happiness is appreciating yourself despite them, adds Diener.

And that ain’t easy. But it’s important to learn to keep your inner critic in check. So for every time you get down on yourself, remind yourself of something you excel at and get comfortable talking yourself up by tossing one positive thing (e.g., props from your boss or a sweet e-mail from your boyfriend) into conversation. “We tend to downplay our successes because we don’t want to sound like a braggart, but sharing good news is uplifting,” says Diener. “Not only are you reflecting on something that made you feel awesome, but the other person is going to get excited for you, which gives you an even bigger lift.”

AMEN!!!

7. You Must Stop Mentally Browsing

We know you’ve been here: You’re sitting at a restaurant, menu in hand, when the deliberation begins: Chicken or fish? Chicken or fish? After angsting for 20 minutes, you go with the fish... and then sit there until the meal comes, wondering if you should’ve gone with the chicken. Okay, maybe this is a very mild version, but in life, we do this on a larger scale all the time. “We convince ourselves that there must be something better out there, but ‘mental browsing’ is a recipe for dissatisfaction,” says Schwartz. “You’re wasting time and energy on doubting a good move just because there was another option, or 10, that you didn’t choose. You’ll never be happy if you live like this.”

The solution? Whenever a decision is in doubt — like whether your current guy is The One — pick two characteristics that are important to you (in this case, maybe it’s a sense of humor and a close-knit family). Once your criteria are established, ask yourself if they’re being met. If so, forget other options and move on. You’ll know if another option is better for you because it’ll nag at you. So relax, you’ve made the right choice...or at least one that’s going to make you happy.

Wow this is a good idea, i bet no one really realizes that they do this and what effect it has on them.

The game of life

Milton Bradley invented the game of Life back in 1860. Back then the game was like a modified checkerboard. The object was to land on the "good" spaces and collect 100 points. A player could gain fifty more points towards this goal by reaching "Happy Old Age" in the far corner, opposite "infancy" where one began.
The game has changed a lot since then going through 7 republishings. As in the 1980s version, most of the spaces on the game board are orange, and their instructions are only followed if they are landed on. The "Pay Day" spaces are green and impact the player when landed on or passed over. Red spaces now always signify a major life event (e.g. graduation, marriage, buying a house, retirement), and must be stopped on even if the spin is greater than the number needed to land on them.
We are all playing this "Game of Life" every day. Only in the game we play, there are no RED spaces. There is no one making you stop to achieve these majorly life events. If only life were that easy. You arrive to a certain point in life, you graduate from college. A little while later you reach that magic space, that certain time in your life where you have to "stop" and get married. You can't proceed any further in the game til you get married, you put the blue peg in your little car. Its not an option, the game doesn't continue until u get married. But that is not how life is. There is no stopping, life goes on and its our choice to sit and wait for the "major life events" to occur before continuing, or we can move on, continue with the game. We can sit on the sidelines or warm the bench waiting to be put back in the game, or we can play the game and give it the best we have. Life today is nothing like a game, there are no winners or losers. As Lee Trevino once said, "In the game of life its good to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season." You may have failures, and you may make mistakes, but that's Life isn't it? Is about the learning and the growing, its about finding out who you are and then finding someone who loves that you. Not everyone is the same, that is what makes us great.
Last but not least, I love what the rapper Kayne West had to say on the matter, "If you have the opportunity to play this game of life you need to appreciate every moment. A lot of people don't appreciate the moment until its passed."

You know ur a nurse if...

1. Your friends call you for medical advice
2. Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than most computers
3. You mutter, "great veins" when being introduced to a complete stranger
4. You think that caffeine should be available in IV form
5. You stare at someone in utter disbelief when they actually cover their mouth when coughing or sneezing
6. You believe air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is a bad thing
7. You believe If the child is quiet, be scared.
8. You always follow the rules, but be wise enough to forget them sometimes
9. You believe there is no such thing as a "textbook case"
10. You have seen more moons than the Hubble telescope
11. You've ever cared for a patient with ATS (Acute Thespian Syndrome)
12. You don't get excited about blood loss-unless it's your own
13. When asked, "Are you are the nurse on tonight?" You want to respond, "No, I just like dressing up as a Nurse and hanging around because I have nothing better to do!"
14. When you tell a man you meet for the first time you're a nurse, you're expected to laugh hysterically when he asks you for a sponge bath, as if it was the most original and wittiest thing you've ever heard
15. When asked "What color is the patients diarrhea or vomit?"...you show the doctor your shoes.
16. And just for nancy J cause she has done this before, your friends are always asking you to get samples of the medications they are on, or any medication for that matter.

You know you are a night nurse when:

• You live for the thrill of always driving in the opposite direction of rush hour traffic.
• You can drink a six pack of coke and still go to sleep in the morning.
• You are willing to beg, borrow, or steal not to work the night daylight savings time goes into effect.
• You want to throttle anyone that states: Night shift must be so boring, all the patients do is sleep.

Top Ten Reasons to be a nurse:

1. Pays better than fast food, although the hours aren't as good.
2. Fashionable shoes and sexy uniforms.
3. Needles: Its better to give than receive
4. Reassure you patients that all bleeding stops.....eventually
5. You get to expose yourself to rare, exotic, and exciting rare diseases
6. Interesting Aromas
7. Courteous and Infallible doctors who leave clear orders in perfectly legible handwriting
8. Do enough charting to navigate around the world.
9. Celebrate the holidays with all your friends....at work
10. Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them



Top 10 reasons to date a nurse:

1. The are the most caring loving people you will ever meet
2. Nothing shocks a nurse
3. They get to wear a sexy outfit for a living
4. They are not bothered by your bathroom habits
5. They can help u get over ur sickness
6. They can tell u when to worry and when you are being a big baby! lol
7.They know how to handle bodily fluids
8. They have a special knack for applying band-aids and making everything feel better
9. They can give one heck of a bed bath lol
10. They are experienced in manual evacuation when your full of crap

Crazy Eights

8 Tv Shows I Love to Watch

1. Grey's Anatomy
2. The Biggest Loser
3. Fringe
4. The Ellen Degeneres Show
5. What I like about you
6. Reba
7. Dawson's Creek
8. The Ex List

8 Things I did Yesterday

1. Slept
2. Went to my parents
3. Went to the mall
4. Did my workout video
5. Did a mile on the elliptical
6. Did a face mask
7. Bleached my teeth
8. Put my aromatherapy lotion on

8 Things I am looking foward to

1. Losing Weight
2. Getting Married
3. Finding a new job that is easier on my back
4. Having kids
5. My next trip to Wichita Falls
6. My next vacation, whatever or wherever that may be
7. Getting out of debt
8. The next season of So you think you can dance and American Idol

8 things on my Wishlist

1. My own family
2. Finish Painting my house
3. Get my carpet replaced
4. Get a sprinkler system
5. Plant some trees in my backyard
6. Become a more motivated person
7. Get my own personal masseuse
8. A tricked out racecar

Just relax

When someone mentions the word massage, usually the first thing that pops into your head is relaxation, oils, soft music, dim lights, the whole nine yards. Massage is the treatment and practice of manipulation of the soft body tissues with physical, functional, i.e. mechanical, medical/therapeutic, and in some cases psychological purposes and goals. All good stuff right? But why does that never seem to the the case? When I think of massage I only think of it in reference to pain. I have pain, therefore I need a massage that creates more pain but will eventually lead to less pain. At least that is the goal. But does anyone every get that ideal situation anymore? I mean now you can get a massage while laying on a chair in the middle of the mall! If that isn't relaxation I don't know what is. Lying with your face planted into a chair while some Asian man or woman goes to town on your body with their hand, arm or whatever. And you are lying there trying to "relax" while the sounds of hundreds of people go cruising by. Bags rustling, kids screaming, all while you are just trying to get a massage. Who ever came up with this concept? Its not relaxing! And that's not taking into consideration the fact that it feels like they are jabbing metal beams into your body, but they claim they are barely even pushing. I'm supposed to be relaxing here, and I feel like I'm in more pain that before I came in. And this is only compounded by the fact that during a "normal" massage you don't get to wear any clothing. Nothing but a small sheet between you and the massage therapist. What part of this whole ordeal is supposed to be relaxing? I am more worried about the fact that if they see fit to inflict anymore pain on my body, I may see fit to take a flying leap off the massage table. I can assure anyone that would not be a pretty site given the circumstance. So my thought process is to only thing of a massage for its medicinal purposes, there is NOTHING relaxing about it! However, relaxing or not, I keep going back for more. Especially with this new working out I am doing. This new work out video I have by Jillian Michaels is kicking my butt! My thighs hurt so bad right now, its becoming quite difficult to walk. And I'm stuck at work for a 12 hour shift! I know this will all be for my good, but right now it hurts! I wince every time I have to go from a sitting to standing point. So I will work out again tonight, and then go in for a massage on wednesday and see if I can make it though the week. Eventually i will get to a point where it won't hurt as bad right?

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

This month is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Women are encouraged to check themselves monthly for any lumps or abnormalities they may find. Right now they recommend that women over 40 get mammograms, but if you find a lump or anything unusual you should get it checked out.
I guess it was 2 years ago around November/December I found a lump on my right breast. I had to have it checked it out, so I went to see a female doctor I worked with at CareNow and she gave me an RX to go have it checked out. I had to have an ultrasound and I guess it was a "partial" mammogram because its as only a few views. Then after that I had to come back and have a biopsy. They decided that it was best to just do a ton of biopsy samples to try and remove the lump in its entirety. My mom came with me for my appointment, and once we were back in the room, the ultrasound tech had to be present, the doctor, the nurse, and they even had a representative from the hospital to make sure they were following HIPAA . Including my mom there were 5 people looking at my boob. Let me tell you, it was a fun experience. Overall, they took out about 20 biopsy samples trying to remove the lump. After wards I was given an icepack and I went home to sleep since I had to work that night.
I got my discharge instructions, but they seemed pretty simple to follow. One of them was no Heavy Lifting, or exercise. I remember thinking, "that's easy, I don't exercise anyway." That night at work I was in a good amount of pain. It was a new experience to have pain in that area. But half way through the night I had a patient that was not able to move themselves that I had to scoot up in bed with the help of the tech. The child only weighed about 40 pounds, but it was right after that, that I felt a sharp searing pain in my breast. By the time I got home there was already purple bruising starting to show up. I called the nurse at the clinic, and I went back in to have yet another doctor look at it, and he told me I probably created a hematoma so they gave me a giant 6 inch ace wrap that I had to wrap myself in. While I was there the nurse told me that no heavy lifting meant nothing bigger than a remote control. NOW THEY TELL ME! Over the course of the next day or so, my entire breast proceeded to turn eggplant purple. It was the most painful ugly thing. It took a good month for the thing to heal, it was not fun!

Preparing for a Mammogram

Exercise 1:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds (while you hold your breath). Repeat again, in case the first time wasn't effective enough.

Exercise 2:
Visit your garage at 3 am when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.

Exercise 3:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again!!

CONGRATULATIONS!
Now you have nothing at all to worry about when you go for your Mammogram!

Dear PMS

I just wanted to write you this letter to let you know how much I truly HATE you! I hate what you do to my body, and how you make me feel so totally out of control. I hate that I feel completely in control for 3 to 3 1/2 weeks of the month, and then you come along and take that all away from me. And this is incredibly hard for me because I am an in control kind of girl. I hate that when you are here, I can cry for seemingly no reason at all. When you are here I come across as annoyed or mad or anything else along that nature, when in all reality I don't feel that I am, but I have been taken as such. It's the one time of the month, I feel as though I lose all control of my emotions. I can go from happy to sad in a matter of mere seconds. I walk around in a constant state of melancholy. I feel irrational, its like I get these rush of emotions for no reason at all, and I can't explain it, other than I just feel totally out of control. pms Pictures, Images and Photos" border="0">And then there is the intense insane food cravings that you give me. They are out of control! I'm not usually a major junk food attic, I mean I will eat something here or there, but other than my Pepsi addiction, I'm not usually big on junk. Well, that all is true til you come around at a certain time of the month, and then all of my "usuals" are thrown out the door. Along with my workout plan I am really working on eating better. I wouldn't call what I'm doing a diet but any means, but I'm just trying to make healthier choices but right now it seems almost impossible to do. It seems as though it doesn't matter how many bottles of water I drink and how many apples and bananas I eat, my intense desire for greasy salty french fries is still there! Whats up with that? Lay off already!!!
I don't see you as a right, or an entitlement to be Bitchy once a month as some others may do. I don't see you as the typical acronym of Putting Up with Men's Shit, or Potential Murder suspect or any of those other silly things people have come up with. I just wish you could come and go and remain unnoticed. I'm tough, I can handle you, I just don't want others around me to have to deal with you at the same time. Just come in peace and leave the same way. So just so you know PMS, I hate you, and that will never change. You and I will NEVER be friends, you make me into someone I don't want to be. Please work on changing this, its important to me!

Thank you,

My Job

I wrote this blog a year ago this month, but its good for me to go back and reflect on my thoughts, there really is a reason for why I do what I do.

I am often asked by people, when I tell them what line of work I am in, "how do you handle being around all those sick kids," "Doesn't it just break your heart so see them all so sick?" And while I have had some very sad cases, and definitely some kids that we all just agree that its almost wrong to keep them here on this earth, that they would be much happier if they could just go and be with God, for the most part I know this is my job. I see the worst of worst, because well, we have specialties, and so we get kids that fly in from other states to see our specialist in hopes of making them well. So it's often easy to see the worst and almost make yourself frightened to have kids of your own, for fear they might end up like some of the children I have worked with. But there are of course always the positive sides to my work. There are the kids that touch your heart and forever leave an impression on you. The kids that in spite all their hardships, they are just still living life as happy little kids. I guess that is really the reason I do what I do.
But lately over the past week or so, a lot of the negative parts of my job have been weighing heavily on my mind. Without going into too many details because, I truly can't share patient information, we have had some really heart wrenching cases come in. One of them that really broke my heart was a child that was in because she had to have surgery after her own father had raped her. Now I know there are some sick and twisted people of this world. That is part of the reason why I have never cared to watch the news, I just don't like hearing about it. But there is not a lot you can do when it sort of slaps you in the face like that. I just think of the emotional damage this child will have at such a young age. She is old enough to know what happened to her, and her poor 4 year old sister that had to walk in on the whole ordeal. Both these children will be scarred for life. I don't think there is enough therapy in the world that can reverse the damage that this will cause. It just breaks my heart, because there is nothing more I want than to somehow be able to shield these children, to take them and hide them away from these parents or these situations and let them know that the world is not ALL bad.
And then there are the situations where as a parent, you may have made an unwise choice, or just its something in life that happens and you have to live with the outcome haunting you your whole life, being left with the "what if" statements. We had that child come into our PICU, the 18 month old, that got himself strangled in the soccer net in his parents backyard, when his mother had fallen asleep. This poor child didn't make it, and while most of us realize that accidents happen, the amount of blame that this mother will give herself, will haunt her the rest of her life. There are just so many instances we see in my hospital of children who are permanently maimed because of stupid mistakes. Kids that the parents knew something was wrong during labor, but the doctors kept assuring the parents that everything would be fine, until it wasn't, and now the children suffer with permanent disabilities because of it. One of the mothers of such a child was talking to me the other night, something this mother LOVED to do, but she was saying what a beautiful child she had, but how it saddened her to know that she COULD HAVE been normal. She could have been a perfectly healthy and happy little girl, had mistakes just not happened during the delivery. If the doctor had just taken the time to stop and realize there really was a problem it wasn't just a paranoid mother. I guess its situations like that, that really make me take a step back and realize that what I do is in no way easy. It takes a toll on you whether you admit it or not. It's very taxing on someone physically AND emotionally.
Thank goodness for the 17 year old paraplegics, that in spite of having a horrible football accident, and a life altering event, can still smile every day and make the absolute best of the situation that he is in. Its kids like that, that remind me of why I do my job. Reminds me of why I love to be a pediatric nurse. Some of the stories behind my little pediatric miracles are absolutely heartbreaking while others are absolutely miraculous! I have seen kids who were at death's door recover fully, without incident, and I have seen other kids do well, but then they become sick, and it takes all of our medical know-how to try to save their lives before it is too late. Sometimes we DO lose a child, and of course, we cry and grieve, but then we go on and try to learn from that experience and apply it to someone else, in the hopes of preventing another death or life-altering injury.
I only hope that the children are as blessed as I have been in knowing them! They have enriched my life to the fullest, and I am glad that I was there to make a difference in a scary time in their lives when it mattered the most!

I can't sleep

Im not sure what my deal is, I am sure it has something to do with the fact that I just got done working three shifts in a row, so my body has grown quite accustomed to being up all night. I have worked the night shift for almost 3 years now, and it seems as though my body has forgotten how to sleep. Anyone who knows me, use to find this rather odd since me and sleeping have always gotten along quite well. But try as I may I cannot seem to sleep at night. It doesn't matter if I take a muscle relaxer It is 6am and I am still wide awake. I'm sure having lots on my mind doesn't help, but i'm sure I could have nothing on my mind and still find a million things to think about. If I'm not up watching tv, then i'm left lying in bed just thinking. Never about anything or anyone in particular just lost in thought. It's at night, when perhaps we should be dreaming, that the mind is most clear, that we are most able to hold all our life in the palm of our skull. I don't know if anyone has ever pointed out that great attraction of insomnia before, but it is so; the night seems to release a little more of our vast backward inheritance of instincts and feelings. It seems to be at night when I come up with my greatest ideas, only to be quickly forgotten again when I awake. I like the quote that says: Insomnia is a gross feeder. It will nourish itself on any kind of thinking, including thinking about not thinking.
Clifton Fadiman Its true, even thinking about not thinking, will cause you not to sleep. I have been told by many people that I should quit working nights, and somehow that would correct my problem, but somehow I don't think that will happen. Some people can function in the morning, but not me, I was never meant to be a morning person. So here I am stuck, I don't sleep at night, and yet I can't work days. I used to credit being in my house alone to the reason why I wasn't sleeping, but even with a roommate these days I just can't seem to sleep at night. The frustrating part is, I don't work Saturday night so I can make it to church and then crap like this happens and Im supposed to be able to get up for church in 5 hours. Oh well, in the mean time, im listening to music. These are two songs I am really enjoying now.

The new Nickelback song "Gotta be somebody"


Natasha Bedingfield's song "Angel

Another Great Night in Wichita Falls

I drove up to Wichita Falls to see Chet again tonight, and had an absolutely fabulous time. He is a great sport and allows me to be my silly crazy self and we have a great time together. We went and got ice cream, and I stuck my ice cream cone in his face lol. Bless his heart he, was a good sport. We ate Japanese food for dinner, it was a really fun time!

Waiting to eat at the Japanese Restaurant

Fun with ice cream


Taking pictures in the dark makes me look kinda cross eyed lol

It can happen to you!

So many people think that they are somehow immune to the evils or consequences of their choices. "Just this once won't hurt me" or "that can't happen to me." Its a common pitfall that people fall into. One of these addictions people fall subject to is a substance known simply as cheese. According to Wikipedia "Cheese is formed by combining heroin with crushed tablets of certain over-the-counter cold medication, such as Tylenol PM. Such cold medications contain acetaminophen, the active ingredient in Tylenol, and the antihistamine diphenhydramine, the active ingredient in Benadryl. Cheese samples obtained in north Dallas contained between 2% and 8% heroin, in contrast to the 30% commonly found in black tar heroin. Users commonly take the powder sniffing rather than by IV injection."
For some reason or another this drug found its way predominantly to the Dallas/Ft. Worth scene 2-3 years ago and has become very popular among middle school and high schoolers. "It's a unique combination that could give a rush of an amphetamine combined with a floaty high of an opiate." She said the cheap cost of cheese -- it's sold in small packages for between $2 and $10 -- could entice young users. Its been known as the "poor mans heroin."

Now fast forward to my reasoning for posting this blog. A patient that we have on our floor. A girl that was once a normal 17 year old, 10 months ago. But one night, the day after her birthday, out partying with her friends, he life changed forever. Dumped in the parking lot of Parkland Hospital by her "friends," she suffered a severe over-dose. Unfortunately for her, not quite enough to kill just enough to put her in a permanent vegetative state. She requires a Trach to breathe, and her body is stiff, contracted and hard. To look at her, you can see the remnants of what she once was, a high school student, with a "normal" life, that she will never have again.

My love affair with texting

Yes its true! Im not ashamed to admit it, I am in love with text messages. I can't get enough! I text from the moment I wake up, until all my friends have gone to sleep, I have even once text in my sleep! People have often said if you want to talk to someone, just call, why waste your time with a text. Those are the people who just don't get it. If I am texting, I can talk to you and 4 of my other friends at the same time, while watching a movie and playing an online game. Its great, with texting i can do a million things at once and still keep in touch with my friends. Sometimes you don't want to have a 45 minute conversation with someone, you just want to drop them a quick line and see how they are doing. I love that when I sleep during the day, and my phone is off, my friends and family can still send me texts that I can respond to when I wake up.
I was so greatful the day that verizon came out with unlimited texting, because i usually would spent at least $80 a month in text overages. I average about 4000-5000 texts a month, with some months being more or less. People say that our conversation skills are begining to lack since the introduction to text messaging. If thats true of some, its not true for all, I can still carry on a conversation with the best of them, but I would be lost with my phone!

Rules to Live by

1. True happiness lies within. Don't waste your time searching for happiness in the world around you. There is no real happiness in the having or getting, but truly found in the giving. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others, without getting a little on yourself.



2. Never let anyone rain on your parade and cast grim and gloom on your entire day. Nothing external can have the power over you unless you permit it. Your time is too precious to waste in combating hate, jealousy or greed. Guard your fragile life carefully.



3. Never let a day go by that you cannot laugh at yourself. Sam in the movie Garden State says it best "If you can't laugh at yourself, Life is gunna seem a whole lot longer than you like." I always have many opportunities for this one!



4. Treat everyone you meet as if they are a potential new friend. Try not to pre-judge. Everyone could use a friend, you never know you could be just the person for the job. Everyone can use an encouraging world, or a random act of kindness. Do this today!



5. Count your blessings. Be greatful for all the things in your life, the beautiful sunset, the leafs on the trees, the clouds in the sky. Everything around you is a gift from God, cherish it.



6. If you mess up, don't whine about your mistakes or blame someone else. Learn from them, never repeat them, but make the most out of each situation.



7. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologize " and "You are right." Use them, it will get you far.

8. Learn to pick your battles. Ask yourself is this a battleground I am willing to die on? Will this really matter an hour from now, a day from now, or even a month from now?

9. Never make a decision when you are angry, you will regret it later. You cannot use logic when you are flooded with pure emotion. Take a step back, take a deep breathe, if you don't, don't say I didn't warn you.

10. Give of yourself, don't expect anything in return and it will come back to you ten fold. Practice random acts of kindness and you will be surprised where it takes you. If you always do something, in hopes that someone will do the same for you, you will often find yourself sorely disappointed.

11. Take time to Relax. We live in a world that is continually on the go, there is ALWAYS going to be something that needs to be done. We need to know when to say no, and take time for ourselves. Being type "A" all the time can take it's tole on the mind and body. Take time for yourself to unwind. Do something you enjoy, you will be able to accomplish more later when you do.



12. Always keep loved ones close to you, it will help in the long run, things can happen and we will need them. In times that matter most, it is our family that we will want by our sides.

Much Ado about Love

I was having a conversation with a friend earlier tonight, and it got me to thinking. Why is it, that I have only been out of a relationship for 2 months, and I am wanting to find that special someone again. I was hurt, and hurt bad but I'm beginning to thing that I love love. Its not something I would ever call myself an expert at, but Ive had a taste, and I want more. It's a wondrous thing. It's a cure-all. Add a little love to your life and everything else just seems to fall into place. Even if every other aspect of your life sucks, having someone to hold onto, to tell you everything will be ok, makes everything better. I think it's time to let it take over again. Let it rule. As time goes by, I find myself unable to trust more and more people, I fear pain that lack of love or the loss of love brings. But I figure, the joy of having love, far outweighs the fear of losing it.



There are many different kinds of love. I love my family and I love my friends, but there is just something about having that one person who gets you, and loves you unconditionally. They put up with all those crazy things you do or say that makes you the wacky person that you are. I have decided that true loneliness exists when you have lost love. I used to be fine being single, but all that seemed to change after finally falling in love. What is it about love a that makes being single feel so wrong?



Having that one person in your life who is your biggest fan is very fulfilling. I love my family and friends, but they will always be there no matter what (at least I hope they will). It's at least partially due to obligation. Finding someone else in the universe who can't bear to be only your friend and has to have the whole you and is willing to still give you everything that your family and friends give you and so much more is the essential (and difficult) part. I have been fortunate enough to have experienced such love in my life and once I had my taste of it, I am finding it more and more difficult to imagine life without it. Love can kill you, but love can bring you right back to life, too. Love is just too good to pass up. Too good to ignore. Why resist it? Just enjoy it while it lasts and do your best to make it do just that. And if you can't make it last, at least make sure it's not your last one. And hopefully learn from your past mistakes. Do love wrong and the only way to get it back on your side is to take care of it better in the future.



A lot of people wonder why love isn't working for them, but too many people don't do enough work on it themselves. Sure, you might get lucky and stumble upon it, but you have to put in a little effort if you want to keep it going strong. You've simply got to put in the work if you want it to work for you. People, like myself, spend so much time finding reasons not to love that they miss out on something wonderful right there in front of them. They scare themselves out of it. I have seen it, and done it myself. Or sometimes people start second guessing themselves (myself included) and freak themselves out thinking about why someone loves them instead of just embracing it and enjoying it. A lot of people surely rush into love. That happens all the time. I've seen that, too. But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about those instances where someone you know truly loves someone and they don't even know it. Or they don't see how much someone truly loves them. Or they won't let themselves get past a certain point. They even almost see it themselves. It's right there. It's so close, but they just can't close the deal, because they're scared or they're just not sure. My advice, and this is only advice as it is something I have had to come to terms with myself, its to trust yourself. Don't worry about putting a time frame on love, love knows no rules or boundaries. You know if something feels right, you don't need someone else to tell you its love. You just know. Its a great feeling, so why fight it? This world would be a whole lot better if we all had somebody to love and who loved us back. For that is the greatest gift of all. I hope that one day, I might have the joy that is love back in my life to stay.

(thanks for taking the time to read this one, I know it was long, I just had a lot to say)

My Life

I was looking though my journal the other day, and I used to be very diligent in writing in my journal when I was in college. I used to write every day. I found this entry that I had written, and it kind of reminded me of what I wanted for myself and I thought I would share what I had written.

Wednesday, March 1st 2000 age 20

My life has been a very good one so far. I have accomplished much, and have learned much too. And as I look to the future, there are many things that I wish for my life to hold. I really am looking forward to growing in love with someone, a great man of God. I can't for for him to take me to the temple and we are able to be together for time and all eternity. I cannot wait to share my life with someone and learn and grow with them. I look forward to learning to work with him and work with possibly two different opinions. I want to learn to compromise and if one cannot be reached, then I will look forward to the kissing and making up part that comes after an argument. I know that I must never let the sun set on an argument. I look forward to becoming a mother and the joys that can bring. I look forward to becoming pregnant, and feeling our child grow within me, and sharing that experience with him. I look forward to teaching that child the truths about the gospel and how they must love their Heavenly Father. I want to teach them, and watch them try things on their own. I want to stay up late wondering if I have done alright, and if my children will make it well in the world. I look forward to going to my children's events and cheering them on as they do their best. I hope to have a husband that would be as excited about these things as I am. I look forward to struggling in marriage and the closeness we will achieve because of it. I look forward to loving someone with all my heart and soul, and being able to grow old with that love. I do not know when my chance will come but I know my waiting will only allow my future husband to grow into a better person as I am continuing to do so. I will have my prince charming some day soon, and I will do whatever it takes to live happily ever after. My husband and I will do whatever it takes to return to our Heavenly Father. To have a family forever is one of the greatest things I could ever hope for. I cannot wait to find the right person, that we can eventually be God's and Goddesses together. I want to love and be loved in return.
I cannot predict exactly what my life will hold, I can only hope for good things to come. I know there will be hard times, but as it says in my patriarchal blessing "I know that you are aware that you came to this earth to overcome trials and tribulations. You will be able to deal with these difficulties and even master them. Whether it be in sickness, caring for loved ones or whatever may be, you must pull upon the powers of heaven and you will recognize the strength that is there for you and for those around you." I know that I will learn much and come out a better person in the end. My husband and I must work together. We must do as the scriptures day and become as one. I am so excited to find out what the rest of my life has in store for me. I just cannot wait to get started on all this.

Eight

Eight things that I am passionate about...
1. My Friends/Family
2. Blogging
3. The kids I care for
4. Im currently passionate about my personal perception of myself and making an effort to make it better.
5. My dogs
6. Chet
7. Taking Pictures
8. Being happy

Eight words/phrases I use often...
1. Dang Gina
2. WTF?
3. Don't Bark!
4. Dang Me!
5. If there is anything I can get you, just let me know (what I say to my patients at work)
6. Seriously!
7. I know right
8. Bless my heart

Eight things I want to do before I die...
1. Get married
2. Have a family
3. Travel with my husband
4. See my kids have kids
5. Drop 50 pounds
6. Get my bachelors degree
7. Learn another language.
8. Make something important of my life

Eight things I have learned from my past...
1. I judge myself too hard. I need to lighten up and have some fun.
2. Listen to your mom, she usually had sound advice
3. Live in the moment. Be present.
4. Don't sweat the small stuff, pre-worrying about something doesn't make things any better.
5. Never do today what you can put off til tomorrow *giggles*
6. Forgive much, love often
7. It's always better to give than to get.
8. Laugh Often

Eight places I would love to go or see...
1. The Eiffle Tower
2. Australia
3. The Green Rolling Hills of Scotland
4. Seattle
5. Niagara Falls
6. Miami
7. Greece
8. Bahamas

Eight things I currently need or want...
1. I need a crown on my tooth, I just don't want to pay for it
2. I want to fall in love again
3. I want a maid
4. I want to see Chet
5. I want to win the lottery
6. I want Kids of my own
7. I need to learn how to sleep at night
8. I need a vacation

I tag anyone who cares to do this! Just let me know so i can read your answers

Busy Day

Today was a great day off. After the girls spent the night we went to Jinbeh for lunch plus David.
Then I went for a massage to try and help my headaches. They are always such painful things for me. This one lasted 2.5 hours and thankfully I feel so much better. She was able to help with the tingling I have been feeling in my right hand, and the really bad headaches. I have never had my stomach and ribs massaged before, that was a new experience, but it was a very painful area for me, so obviously it was needed.
I came home and worked out for 30 minutes on the elliptical, then took a break and watched a tv show. Then I took the dogs on a 30 minute walk/run around the neighborhood. Daisy was so hot when we came back that I took her in the back and watered the lawn while she chased the hose. She goes crazy over the hose, she loves eating the water.

Attack of the Killer Doggie


She was so happy after her walk and playing in the water


They are both such happy dogs