So sick

Im sick, and I hate it! I feel yucky, and achy, and I have a headache, and my throat hurts. I am supposed to work tonight, and frankly i don't know if I can make it. However problem being I have missed a lot of work due to sickness lately and I don't know that i dare do it again. I went to Jinbeh for dinner tonight, cause that always makes me feel better when im sick. While the food was fabulous as always, something about eating alone just doesn't make it quite as enjoyable.
So I come home, and check in online at CareNow, its a 2 hour wait, so I hang out at home. In the mean time my home teacher swings by to do a little end of the month visit, and then i race off to see the doctor. Unfortunatly she was too busy trying not to stay late, that she didn't listen to most my symptoms and didn't let me tell the other half. So she heard me say my worst pain was my glands along the outside of my throat. Which she promptly told me was Eustachian Tube Disfunction. I really don't have many of the stomptoms of that, well the one, but I know it is more than that. But I got the whole song and dance about how its called from allergies, and she gave me a decongestant and a steriodal nasal spray. No antibiotic, so im stuck feeling misrable. Gotta love being a nurse, you don'd feel well, but you feel guilty if you want to stay home, to take care of yourself and not the sick kids in the hospital. BLAH!

Crazy Cooper

My dog cooper is a lover of everyone. He may be frightened or bark when he first meets a new person or animal but it doesn't take long for him to make great friends. When Macie first got her kitten London in July, Cooper was scared to death of her. He was constantly running away from her or shivering when she came by. Then it turned into he could tolerate being near her, but wouldn't interact. Now, Cooper and London have become best friends. Its to the point that when Cooper is not at my moms the cat crys trying to find her friend. Cooper loves to run up and head butt London to get her to start playing with him. At times it looks like one of them may be hurting the other with the noises they make at times, but they always go back for more, so I figure they can't be playing too hard!

Just Plain Dumb

Why is it that over the past few years it has become popular to "be stupid." You can say it started with Jessica Simpson and her constant comments that left so many thinking "Can she really be that stupid?" Most of us in the world know that Chicken of the Sea is a brand of tuna, and yet she actually thought it was chicken. And we all laughed to ourselves and thought how dumb she was. However since that show has aired I have seen a rise in the trend of girls thinking its "cute to be stupid."



It seems that if you can make someone laugh, even if that means pretending to be stupid, you can win big points. Back when I was teaching the 14 and 15 year old's in Sunday school I had one of the girls ask me to trip her on the way out of class. I got this complete deer in the headlights look...was she honestly asking me to do something that completely stupid? I thought surely I had misheard her, so I asked her to repeat it again. And sure enough she asked me again to trip her on the way out of class. This was just too much, I HAD to know her reasoning, and I really was sorry I asked. It was then that she proceeded to tell me that if I was to trip her, she would fall and everyone would laugh, thereby making her funny. I couldn't believe my ears, she really wanted me to potentially injure her for a laugh.




This trend is not a new thing with a guys, the "dumb jocks" have always been the popular guys, not the smart guys. Girls never went after the guys that had a brain on them, that wasn't cool. And it somehow seemed to correlate with looks. Mind you there were a few Jocks that weren't dumb, but that seemed to be the exception not the rule. But now that trend has passed on to girls. And i'm just blown away, why is it cute to be stupid?



I'm learning that not everyone is born with common sense. It seems that although it may be "common" not everyone is blessed with it. That for some reason, is a frustration to me. Why would everyone not seek to be educated? When I was going to college, my grandma would always ask me why I didn't just stop and get married. That it wasn't necessary for girls to go to school. I never understood that. Am I supposed to hope to marry a doctor, while I being only a high school graduate couldn't even begin to fathom carrying on a conversation of that level. So tell me this, why would you want to be stupid? (And I am not saying that if you have ONLY a high school diploma you are stupid) This has become my theory on the situation. Girls have grown to realize that guys like to rescue the "damsel in distress." They have grown to realize that guys need to be needed. So many girls young and old have learned to feign ignorance. They want men to feel needed and so they give him those opportunities to step up and "be the man."

Back to my story at the beginning. So while this girl in my class wanted to have me trip her so that she would fall, what she had learned from this accidentally happening before was that while she enjoyed being able to make people laugh, she also enjoyed someone rushing to her rescue. So rather than wait for something to accidentally trip her, she learned to create the situation herself. She was in turn, playing

Stand back, I'll take care of this!

I don't know what my deal is but I have this horrible obsession with as I like to call it (and pardon my french) "bad ass chicks." I absolutely love movies with women who just have this tough exterior, that carry a gun and are not a afraid of anything. I love Lara Croft, in Tomb Raider. She doesn't take crap from anyone, can double fist guns while getting rid of anyone who gets in her way.




Then there is Alice on Resident Evil. Milla Jovovich is invincible. Sure that is just part of her character, but she just walks through town, taking out zombie after zombie and doesn't blink an eye.



I don't know what it is about them. I guess some where inside of me, I wish I could be that way. To fear nothing, have no emotions, never back down. Just stare fear in the face and laugh. Sure people like that in real life all have something to hide. Either that or a horrible life; they aren't that way just for fun. Im sure it's a hard exterior they have created to hide from pain. However, there is some weird part of me that admires or maybe not admire just wants to be "bad ass" too!

Please say no to the muffin top

I know the skinny jean is supposed to be up with the latest trend but let me just bluntly put this out there in a nice way ladies, "PLEASE stop lying to yourselves and get pants that will cover not just your crack, but every other piece of flubber that flaps around down there!" It's not just you that has to deal with your pants choice, but its everyone else you come in contact with. It's an eye sore!

I'm not even sure pulling your shirt over it helps!

On one incident I was at a store and I saw a girl struggling to walk up what was a few steps to me, but by her facial expression she looked like she just got done a triathlon. If she had some circulation in her legs she may be able to breath a little. The tightness, however, was NOT the issue. The issue in her case was the infamous "muffin top."

The "muffin top" is a word coined by Australian comedians Kath and Kim, meaning when a woman wears a pair of tight jeans that makes her flab spill out over the waistband, just like the top of a muffin sits over the edge of the paper case. It's a word used to describe one who's fat is desperately trying to escape the suffocation from tight jeans resulting in the fat tumbling over.

Who on earth thinks this looks good?

Though, the effect is more extreme with heavier females, all females, with the exception of anorexic models, can fall victim to the muffin-top disaster. The reason for this, is that the design of low-rise/hip-hugger pants, originally popular during the late 60's and early-to-mid 70's, defies the natural shape and contours of the average females' body; forcing the skin and fat around her waist, back and upper buttocks to spill out over her pants and through her tiny crop-top, causing a muffin-top effect.

I want to know why girls think this is acceptable or in any way attractive? I know we have all put on some weight and just want to fit into our smaller jeans, but please do us all a favor and buy a size bigger! I promise it will make you look 10 pounds skinner!

Reminicing

Dear Husband,

I started when I was a child, wondering what you will be like. I wish for a handsome man that would make all my dreams come true. I have wished for a man that was kind, and true, and faithful to me until the end. I hope for a man that can love me unconditionally, and look fast my faults. I hope and pray for a man that is good in the church, and fulfills all of his callings. However, as I sit and think to myself, of how I would like you to be, images of my life flash before my eyes, and I wonder if it could be. Have I lived my life, so that I may be worthy to be with you for time and all eternity? Have I loved you enough to keep myself morally clean? Have I treated others around me with respect, so that they may like me, that I may one day find you? I wonder to myself what it will be like when I find you. Will it be love at first sight, or will you have to grow on me. Will you be very handsome, or just plain like me? I lie in bed at night, wondering what our life will be like, or if I will even find you. And when i do, will you tell me that you love me, and that you have been looking for me too? But for now, until I hear from you. So until we meet, I will think of you often.

Love,
Your wife

Dear Wife,

I got your letter yesterday and I must say it surprised me. I had no idea that you thought of me so. I would have to concur and say that I am just the man you are looking for. I am honored to have been chosen by you as "The One." Your life has been hard, no doubt, but so was mine. Each person is given certain tests and obstacles in life, and if they fare them well, great will be the reward. Some trials are looks, money and artificial highs. So what??!! I think the world of you. There is nothing you could do to make me hate you. You have messed up but you have also repented. One of the great things about life is that you can always fix your mistakes. Now, sometimes it may be harder than others, but if you have the right spirit and conscience, you will succeed. I look on you as a goddess that makes human mistakes. You are elevated in my eyes so that the clouds can't touch you. I know that you have done your best to live worthy of my company, and for that I love you unconditionally and without condition. You have reached a pinnacle in my sight, unbeknownst to any other, and for that worthiness I praise you. Now, I know there are faults inside you but they can only make you stronger and every time you overcome one, you eyes get a little bright, your smile gets a little bigger and you glow that much more. I love you for you and no other reason. I depend on you for bearing in my life. You are my solace, my peace and my dream.

I love you,
Your husband

So I thought I would include what my mom had written as a response to my letter acting as though she was my future husband. I like what she had to say, maybe you will too?

Dear future wife,

Its amazing how since I can remember, even back when I was only give each girl I met I wondered if she was the one I would marry. She must be pretty, for beauty is always the first criteria for picking a companion. But I soon realized that there are different kinds of pretty. Pretty on the outside only, gets old really fast. The woman I was going to marry would have to be pretty on the inside as well as on the outside.

In Kindergarten the girls that were pretty on the outside were willing to be my friend and were willing to play with me. Even willing to get muddy on the playground and didn't mind kicking a ball.

By third grade things seemed to change. There were girls who were pretty alright. But mostly on the outside. They started gossiping and saying rude things. Boys just aren't that way. I still was looking for a pretty girl, who wanted to be a friend. But real friends were getting harder to find. I still wondered, where is the girl I will marry. Something inside me told me to keep looking but you know how boys are, I was no exception. I felt I needed a pretty girl to make me look good.

By sixth grade I was it. The pretty girls liked me. Sure they were still a little gossipy, but that is just the way they were. But somewhere I could imagine you. Doing exactly what you were supposed to be doing. Learning, obeying, and growing into my future wife. But I was childish and wasn't maturing as rapidly as you were. I was forgetting my goals and falling behind.

In middle school there were so many choices. Lots of pretty faces, but something deep inside told me something was missing. I had been raised right. I had a good mother. She was kind, she cared about me, she took care of me both emotionally and physically. Is it possible to have a girl who really is that way? Not in middle school, I concluded.

High School was a pretty scary place. Thousands of people, but they might as well be aunts. They hurried to and fro busy coming and going where they needed to be. Was my sweetheart, my future wife among those hurrying by? I dated a few girls, boy were they pretty. But, something was still missing. They bubbled and bounced and giggled around. But they actually didn't even seem smart. How could one of them raise my children to return to Heavenly Father? There must be more! Where is the girl will be my wife? She wouldn't be dating me, for I was not yet worthy of her. She has kept herself pure. In high school, that is considered no fun. She has kept herself chaste, in high school that is considered boring. She said hi to the weirdo's. Not acceptable to keep your place of status in High School. She wasn't even a cheerleader! She was a daughter of God and she knew it.

How wise our Heavenly Father was to send young men on missions when they are nineteen. Here I am serving a mission, wish I had been more like you and prepared my whole life to be your husband. But the Lord has given me an opportunity to serve him for two years where I can speed up my growing and learn to serve as you have learned to serve, so that I might become worthy of you as my wife.

Be patient with me my dear. Look for me. I know that the spirit will guide you, for you are the one who hears it best. We will find each other when I am worthy of the woman you have become.

Love,
Your future husband

This was a project I did when I was 19 years old, it was for an English class. We had to write a letter to either our future spouse or our future children, and then get someone to respond as if they were that person. So I sent it to a few people, and got the first response from my best friend and the second response from my mom. Funny that my mom can write as though she was my future husband, but she did a great job. But anyways, I have this in my journal. I love to look at it and read it, and remind myself what I'm looking for.

A little comic relief...my first kiss

I was thinking about different events that happened to me in my life and what impacts they may or may not of had on me. And one thing that came to mind was my first kiss. I'm sure everyone at some point or another dreams about the first kiss. There are tiny bopper magazines that teach you different "techniques" so that you can ensure that your fist kiss is perfect. They show you how to practice on a mirror or the back of your hand to know that you are doing it "right." I was no different, although I never was the type that practiced, and maybe you will think that I should have by the end of my story. So when I was about 15 I was friends with a guy in my ward named Curtis. We hung out all the time and ultimately became best friends. We went to different high schools, but worked at the same grocery store, and went to the the same early morning seminary. It was custom for us to exchange notes every morning in this notebook we kept. We would hang out outside of school and over time we found that we may actually be starting to like each other. We never wanted to tell our parents because we figured that if they knew we liked each other or we weren't "just friends," we wouldn't be able to spend as much time together. One of our favorite things to do together was go to the dollar theater. Our parents would usually drop us off and come pick us up later. (I know I know, this is a lot of detail, but I promise im getting to my point) So one time we were at the movies and as soon as the movie was over Curtis leaned over and gave me a quick peck kiss on my cheek. That was it and we got up and left. It was rather out of no where, but then the next day in seminary when it was his turn to give me the notebook back he had written that he really wanted to kiss me but was too scared to do it. So I wrote him back, don't be scared if you want to do it just do it. I guess in a way that was a bad idea for me, something about knowing that the kiss was coming just made me sick to my stomach with nerves. So then the weekend came and it was time for us to go to the movies again, I was a nervous wreck. We choose to see Bridges of Madison County, although I have no earthy idea what happened in the movie. I was scared out of my wits, every time he would glance towards me I would be like oh my gosh is this it!?! And then he tapped me on my shoulder, I turned towards him and and he moved towards me. My heart sank, this is it, and then he comes right towards me and we smack right into each others noses. Move, I said, to which he replies no you move. Great, this is going great so far! So I move and we kiss, well kind of, sort of, little kissing for about 15 seconds and then I stop. "We have to leave" I say. And hes all, you want to move to the back of the theater, and Im like no lets leave the movie all together. we left and walked over to Mervyns and just dinked around and didn't say much until it was time for his mom to come get us. What was wrong, why did I stop? It made me sick, down right sick to my stomach so I knew nothing more than to bolt. I didn't explain myself, I didn't know what I was feeling other than I figured something was wrong, maybe I didn't like him, or maybe what we were doing was wrong (I laugh at this now thinking that I reacted like this to a simple kiss) but what can I say I was 16. So I pretty much ignored him for a few days, sorting through my feelings and trying to figure out why I was so sick from all this. And finally I write him a note, it didn't say much only that I thought we were "moving too fast." HAHAHA almost 2 years of being friends and a simple kiss was moving to fast. Needless to say he didn't take it all that well, and never really spoke to me much after that. We worked together for a few months after that, but we were more like acquaintances after that. About a year later I wrote him a letter again trying to explain myself a little better, but it was to no avail. Needless to say after an experience like that, I didn't kiss again for about 2 more years.

Does divorce ruin him?

So when it comes to dating at my age, well my age in the mormon church, there really aren't many choices if you will. I find that 90% of the guys I run into are either divorced, divorced with kids, perverts or any combination of the above. Its hard to discuss my "situation" with many people because most people within the church have no clue what its like. And by situation, I mean single at 28. My mom was married at 19, she had 3 kids by my age, so she certainly has no clue. Sure I guess I have a few cousins who could relate, but that's not the point. So I set out on the dating "scene" again. I even try my luck at an online lds dating site. Sure, I get lots of messages, but more than half of them are men over 40 even as high as 65. If that's not creepy I don't know what is! But the longer I'm on there, the more i realize, the majority of people I come in contact with are divorced. But does divorce really mean bad? I guess in some instances it is, but I mean really, should someone be punished because they were divorced? While I don't promote divorce, it happens, and usually someone ends up getting hurt. But what I want to know is, is dating after divorce possible?
So what if he's the perfect guy, in every sense of the word. Okay, maybe not perfect, but perfect for YOU? Sure, he's spoken of his divorce before, and you know he still has some lingering bitterness and lots of pain. The woman ripped his heart out, then took everything but the clothes on his back. What can you say to that? How does someone heal from that? I want to know that time goes on. That wounds heal. There has got to be a point where you start to realize that, with the right person, marriage COULD be a very good thing. You start to crave the normalcy and stability of sharing your life with someone...and the single life starts to feel very wrong to you. That is the stage I have found myself in for sure, the single life just feels wrong. No i haven't been divorced, I have had a bad relationship, but in a way its partly the same. But I know to a large degree its not.
Some people really do go through a divorce and never marry again. They simply find that married life is not for them. But there's another portion of the population that will heal in time. They will find that forgiveness and a woman will come along who changes everything. So I can be that "woman" for someone right? At least I tell myself I can. But who knows, its hard to know if its not just the "fixer" in me. I always want to make things better for others. I want to leave people better than I found them, have an impact on their life. I would like to think I have a lot to offer someone, I just have to find him, even if hes broken and bruised, and let him know he went through all that to get to me, and it was well worth it, right?

It makes me wonder...

I wonder if things are ever supposed to go my way. I want to be happy I really do, but it seems like if its not one thing its another. Here I am excited that I am going to be getting a roommate, and she goes and gets engaged tonight lol. Why yes I am excited that she was able to find that one true one for her, she has lived here for 3 months who would have thought? So she moves in this weekend, for two months, she will be getting married in December. LOL I have to laugh at the irony of the situation, it just seems to be my luck.
I need to find happiness...Everyone grows up having expectations for what their life is going to be like. Rarely does our life ever turn out as planned, but we all still create these expectations for how our life is to play out. Me, for example, I was going to get married at 20 or 21, I was going to have exactly 4-6 children. I was also going to somehow finish school in that amount of time, I was going to have a wonderful husband that was going to make lots of money and I was going to be the perfect stay at home mom with the worlds most fabulous children and life as I knew it was going to be perfect. I know, you are laughing now, but when you are younger you seemed to have an altered perception of how your life is going to turn out when you get older. Then as you get older, you realize that these expectations you had for your life can and are, in no way reality. So then you have to take a step back and re-evaluate. You take a look at the bigger picture, and realize how off based your perception of reality had actually been. Life is always going to be what we make of it. Whether we get married young and have a family or we take the path of a career maybe postponing marriage for the time being, (whether by choice or opportunity) life is what we make of it.
We can choose to be happy with the life we are given, or we can stay at home hating life, and blaming our decisions on others, saying "if only they had not..." or "if only they would..." The grass is always greener on the other side, or at least we are told, so why is that the case? Why can't we have the green grass right here right now? So what if our life doesn't meet the expectations we once had for ourselves! Who's fault is that? HONESTLY...? We can't all have the perfect American lives with our beautiful little houses with the white picket fences and our 2.5 children. ( I am still trying to figure out that .5 children concept by the way) I deal with reality here, and reality is, not everybody has a perfect life. And in that not so perfect life in which we lead, we can make decisions that make us not so happy, or people can say or do things that can make us not so happy. It is very possibly that events to which we have no control over can make us very unhappy. But we CAN choose to surround ourselves with what makes us happy. We CAN create our own pseudo happiness so to speak. Happiness is a choice. No one can make you happy or miserable without your consent. So what if my life hasn't turned out quite the way I had originally planned?!?! It sounds like I need new plans anywho because my first plans weren't so hot, they were non obtainable for me. I need to make new choices or expectations for my life and well maybe you do too? Who knows, but I know that I need to reevaluate my life. I choose to be happy. I choose not to worry about my future, and I'm not going to dwell in my past. I'm going to try to eliminate worry, and minimize stress, what good does it do after all? Countless individuals go through their days in fear of the unknown, or in anger, sadness, or despair. The truth is that even though you cannot control all the events in your life, you do have control over how happy you feel. It takes a lot of energy to choose to be happy. The path of least resistance is to be miserable, in fact. It's far easier to mope and complain about circumstances and other people instead of deciding to be content with your life. When you choose to be happy, you are deciding to be a beacon of optimism that will affect not only your own immediate environment but also other people with whom you come into contact each day. I say its time to be self centered for a while, its time to be HAPPY! If you are a person in which happiness doesn't come easily, then I say go by my motto, "fake it til you make it." No one else truly knows your thoughts or your feelings, only you do, so no one else knows you don't feel happy. So why not let your outside display happiness and soon maybe your insides will match. But what exactly is happiness? Wikipedia says that happiness is this: "Happiness is emotion in which one experiences feelings ranging from contentment and satisfaction to bliss and intense joy. This definition is, however, a synonymous one rather than one based on analytic evaluation, because of the varied and elusive nature of happiness."
But why does that have to be the case, why does happiness have to be elusive? Why isn't it just something that everyone is entitled to? I know the way the world is today it makes it hard to be happy. It seems like everything that can and will go wrong in our lives does. It seems like some days you are doing good just to make it through the day without killing anyone. This "prayer" depicts it all...

Dear God,

So far today, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, and I haven't lost my temper. I haven't been grumpy, nasty or selfish. But in a few minutes, God, Im going to get out of bed and thats when im going to need a lot of help. Amen

I think happiness has to be something we choose. No matter what our circumstances, we have to choose to be happy. Life throws many things at us, but whether we stumble and fall is not what matters. If we fall down 16 times we just have to get up one more time than we fall. I think many of us these days have a hard time remembering what we have to be thankful for. I struggle with this concept on a daily basis, its really easy to only see all the negatives in life and forget to look to the positive. Happiness is a choice and the road to happiness is straight ahead, anyone care to join me?

Happiness to me is... (in no particular order)

1. Putting on an old pair of jeans and finding you somehow left money in the pocket.
2. Laughing so hard you cry
3. Having true friends you know are with you til the end
4. Eating your favorite food and not caring how many calories are in it, only that it tasted sooooo good
5. Text messaging
6. Taking silly pictures to remember all the great times you have had
7. Changing my hair color, this always makes me happy
8. Staring up at the vast great sky, and knowing that we are not alone in this universe.
9. Loving someone, and them loving you back.
10. Fitting into a pair of jeans that you once had outgrown
11. Chocolate
12. The smell of rain
13. My dogs
14. Blogging
15. A new crush, and that giddy maybe he likes me but im not sure phase.

These things and many more are what make me happy, what about you?

Amazing Talent

These guys are called nothing but stringz they are on americas got talent this year and they are pretty amazing combining hip hop with violins, way cool!



This little girl Kaitlyn Maher is only 4 years old and she is beyond adorable!

A True Friend

When you have things go wrong in your life and you are feeling down in the dumps, its always great to have a friend who knows you better than you know yourself. Who knows all the right things to say to help your pull your head out of your butt and see all the things that are right there in front of you, just waiting for you to grab hold of. It is this true friend that life would be unbearable without. Thank you Jenn for always being there for me, and for helping me when I can't help myself!

What it means

A helping hand

So I was contemplating a topic in which to blog about tonight, and since nothing was coming to mind im going to attempt to write about Jenn's suggestion, a topic that is more about me, and who I am. I have never been one who likes to deal with my own problems. I am not one that likes emotions, and so I would rather not deal with them at all if I don't have to. I have found that it is sort of my M.O. if you will, that when my life has got me down I find someone else to help. Helping others, as odd as it may seem, helps me. When I am able to forget my troubles and help others, it makes my problems seem so much smaller than they are. So while I have been dealing with a broken heart, and all that entails, I found someone else's problems that seem to be bigger than mine. And while this friend seems to be suffering from a similar problem, a broken heart, his problem is by far worse than mine. Now a divorced single father, the extent of his broken heart far outreaches mine. And so I find myself with a person to "help." Help him heal from his shattered heart and as a nice side effect, I heal from mine.


"Having your heart broken hurts! And it PHYSICALLY hurts...heart ache is truly an ache. A physical pain. I know how hard it is to fight off the evil, Mr. Discouragement monster. (and yes, the discouragement monster is male...lol) There are days when you want to just evaporate. To vanish into thin air. To cease to exist. I know. And I know that those are just the thoughts in the far back corners of your mind and the pit of your heart because logically, you KNOW that vanishing or ceasing to be is not an option...but that doesn't mean you don't long for it sometimes.
I know that you just want the pain to STOP. That you just want to QUIT feeling! But you're wise beyond most because you know that if you quit feeling the bad, the pain, the discouragement...that you'll also quit feeling the little rays of sunshine that occasionally burst through the kerlex that's wrapped around your bruised, battered and tender heart. But it will get better, I PROMISE!!!" (Thanks to Monica for the fabulous advice that i was able to pass on!)

Beyond exhausted!

I'm so freakin' exhausted! I rarely do 3 shifts in a row anymore, its just too hard on my system, but back everything! Being at work for 39 hours in 3 days its freakin' too much! I guess my back decided to agree with me because I am already in so much pain I can barely walk and I still have 4 hours to go! Of course I have a patient who is having problems keeping his oxygen saturations up and he is the one at the end of the hall, AND I'm having to bend over him to reposition him and I swear my back is just going to give out and i'm going to collapse on him. Not so good!



I finally heard back from the job that I applied for, after a month! So I am hoping that they ask me to come in and interview. I really do like my hospital job, and I'm really going to miss the kids, but the nights are just too hard on me, and not to mention all the bending has just gotten too hard on my back. I can't live in this much pain all the time. January would be my 3 year mark working here. Who knows maybe I will take a year off and want to come back, but I'm hoping that if I can do a m-f 9-5 kind of job then I can go back and get my bachelors degree. Texas Women's University has an online bridge to bachelors for RN's, so I am thinking that is a good idea for me. I am really in the need of some changes in my life. I think new job and school are a good idea.

Also, really good news, I am getting another roommate. So I guess this can be good or bad proven my past history. But her name is Karrie and she is a special ed teacher, she seems way nice and it will be so nice to have the extra money for my bills. Cause my credit cards are screamin' lol. She is supposed to move in next weekend when i'm out of town in Austin, so hopefully all will go well!

My little girl's growing up!!!

Yesterday, I guess I can say since its after midnight, Macie turned 12 years old. I can't believe that my little diva has gotten so old. Man I feel so old now, I might need a minute.........ok im good now. We went to dinner as a family and I snapped a few pictures I thought I would share.

This is actually how she looked going to school, the tiara and everything


David is not so cooperative with taking pictures


So I took revenge on him and took a picture of him talking and eating lol


My mom and macie


Macie didn't even want to put her food down for a picture. LOL just kidding we sprung it on her


They even sang to Macie in spanish, but they gave her dessert and then tried to charge my mom for it! DUMB! Of course she didn't pay lol

Advice

I knew full well going through nursing school that when people find out you are a nurse they want "free" advice on everything. Not that this is usually a big deal, I’m glad to help others when I can. But somehow the concept has seemed to escape some people, that nurses are not doctors. Yes, while many of us feel we know more than some doctors, we are in fact NOT doctors and we really aren’t able to diagnose you. I don’t know what that funny looking thing is growing around your fingernail is, especially when you are trying to describe it to me over the phone. I really don’t know what cause that rash on your skin, especially when it comes and goes at different times but hey, I will give it my best shot. I can always take a look at your problem, or listen to your lungs, I do have a few skills up my sleeve, but its always hard to know what is going on when you are trying to describe your symptoms over the phone. I also, strange as it may seem, cannot tell you what is wrong with someone just by looking at them, when I don’t know a single symptom. I know I carry a magic wand, but oddly enough I haven’t figured out how to work the darn thing. Oh, never mind, there it goes!

What do I take? The blue ones or the red ones?Well that depends...what are you taking it for, what are you allergic to, what is wrong with you, what is your favorite color really? LOL Never mind I will figure it out....you seem to be suffering from a serious case of hypochondria and the only chance you have at survival is if you take the red pill and blue pill at exactly the same time all while jumping backwards and saying an Indian rain chant. Do you see what I’m getting at?

I seem to go both ways with people. I have people who think I know everything and want me to diagnose every little problem. On the other hand, people like my family don’t think I know a thing. Occasionally they will come to me for advice, but for some reason they never trust what I say. But my mom is quicker than anyone to send me over to someones house who happens to go to church with them, because somehow I will be able to tell them what is wrong with their child. Again, the magic wand problem...if only I had a crystal ball. I don’t mind you coming to me with your problems, I really don’t. But just don’t expect me to have ALL the answers. I do have a vast amount of knowledge in my brain, and some things I am excellent at, like drugs for instance. But I'm still working on my diagnosing skills and I definitely can’t do it over the phone, via email, and not always over text. Work with me people, I am a nurse, im not wonder woman! I do what I can with the knowledge I have been given, believe it or not we are not taught EVERYTHING in nursing school, a lot of what I know has come through training and experiences. I am not saying that no one should talk to me about their problems, that would be silly. I love to help, and I do it whenever I can. All I ask if for realistic expectations from me. Come to me,and I will kiss your boo-boos and make them all better, I will do what I can, cause I AM THE NURSE!

Some things never change

My mom was looking through some old things trying to write some family history about a year or so ago, and she came across this letter that I wrote to her when I was around 10 years old and it was just too cute not to share with everyone else. I put this on my myspace blog about a year ago, so those of you who read that, may have already seen this.

Dear Mom,

I have to ask you a few things like why do I have to go to bed so early. In my life I don't think I have met a person who has the same bedtime as me. Some people don't even have an assigned bedtime but if they do it's about 10:00 at the earliest not 8 or 9. If I do have to go to bed when I'm not a bit tired I should be at least be able to talk since my body is all ready resting. I don't get it why you tell me how long I have been in bed as though I am supposed to fall asleep the second my head hits the pillow. The reason why I want to stay up is not because everyone else is doing it. It is because I'm just not tired. I sleep in late because I am not tired when you put me to bed so when I try to stay up the next night you try to put me to bed even earlyer (haha even back then I sucked at spelling) so I won't sleep in and it just doesn't work. And now that I have to earn to spend the night with someone and my T.V. privleges were taken away until Sunday I might as well die this week. At home there is nothing to do except watch T.V. Its really hard to do anything because you babysit till six sometimes even till 6:30 and I have til 8:00 to live my life. I only have 4 friends so it is not like I have many sleepovers anyway. Another thing is you get mad at me when I talk. Well thats my way of showing you that I'm mad. When you are mad you scream and rant and rave and I just say something back. Right now im a little confused. Because I'm not a child but I'm not a teenager or an adult so I never know what to do when we have people over for dinner because I can't listen to the adult conversations but I am not going to play with little kids.

Could you help work something out with me?

Love,

Rachel
Taylor

LOL, I guess some things never change with me. I love dramatic children, and I was one of them. I guess going with out TV might as well lead to death. LOL

I was wondering...

It's been brought to my attention, that some people may actually be reading my blog. So... you are not required to leave me comments, especially because I know that many of my posts are just meire ramblings, but if you could just leave a comment just once so that i know you are reading. I would love it! It encourages me to keep writing on this thing, if I know its not just going out to cyber space never to be heard of again.

Thanks!

PS. This means you too Grandma, you can leave anonymous comments you don't have to have a google or blogger id. Click anonymous and leave a comment just be sure to sign it so I know who its from!

Frustrating

Last night, right after I posted my blog, my computer just up and died on me. Not like died, just needs more battery power, or just needs a break, like dead dead. No bringing it back to life. D.O.A. I had only had my lap top for about 18 months, and wouldn't ya know I didn't get the extended warranty. I called dell but all they could do was have me pay 50 bucks over the phone and they could try and diagnose my problem over the phone. If that didn't work then I could pay for someone to come out and look at my computer and if they determined nothing could be done, then well...I was screwed. I tried the typical, unplugging it, letting it rest, taking the battery out, etc. No measure of life saving techniques I possessed brought my laptop back to life. To some this may not be a big deal, but to me, my computer is my life. Well, other than my cell phone. But I cannot survive without these two things.



I can't explain this "need" to my mother, she just doesn't get it. She would be just fine if she didn't have her computer for a while. And while I know it won't kill me, (I have had to go months without a computer of my own before), I don't want to risk it to find out. So I sucked it up and bought a new laptop. While I admit my new Hp is very pretty and Im sure will eventually be a lot of fun, it is no fun getting a new computer. I had the old one configured just how I liked it. I knew how to work it, I knew where things were. This one I have to re-download everything under the song, I had several hundred songs on itunes that will all have to be re-downloaded. Its just a hassle. Now im just crossing my fingers that it wasn't something stupid that killed my other computer, and could be easily fixed.

Memories from my childhood

Whenever I think about my childhood, there are few memories that return to my mind like the times I spent as a child playing with my sisters. For a large portion of my life, Sharon, Lauralee and myself were the only kids in the family. We spent a lot of time together, as children do, we even all shared a room for a large portion of our "growing up" years. There were many hours that we spent in each others companies, lost in the world of imagination. It was there that we had our greatest times together. But to this day, our favorite memory of the games we used to play was a game we called "homeless".



I know, go ahead and laugh, I do thinking about it, but it was our favorite game. It started off as a game Sharon and I would play to pass the time when we were at my grandfathers bike shop. First he would ask us to gather these little BB type things which he would in turn give us money. We thought we were doing him a favor that he in turn would pay us for, it wasn't until I was in my early 20's that I realized that the bead we had to find, were actually no use to him. They would fall out of these parts, but were not replaceable, it was just something he did to help us pass the time. After we collected our 2 or 3 dollars we would go next door to the day old bread store. We always bought a loaf of white bread and sometimes a package of powdered donuts. Then we would take our purchases and go to the back of the bike shop and climb on top of the bike boxes and there would begin our day. We loved to imagine that we lived there amongst those boxes, that we had no where else to live, and our bread was our only food and we had to make it last as long as possible. We would eat it a half a slice at a time, and then we would ration. Our conversations were a little like "Is it time yet" "No, we have to wait a little longer, we have to make it last." We could make it last all day, I'm sure it made the babysitting job quite easy for my grandfather. As time went on we moved to Texas, but the game continued. I was 9, Sharon was 6 and Lauralee 3. We would pack a few snacks head out to the driveway and we could play for hours. We had it all worked out in our heads, to earn money we would roller skate on our drive way, "people" would give us tips and that way we could buy food. In order to get this food, we would get on our teeter totter and we would go to "Turkey" And "Hungry" the two places one would go, if you were hungry, right? Lauralee was always the "mom" of the group, I always loved to be the baby. Mostly because when you were the baby your mom would wait on you hand and foot. It was a great little arrangement we had. It provided many great memories...what imaginations we had back then. Kids now days have no imagination!

Weather Forcast

One thing I really enjoy and have often taken a few moments out of my evening to indulge in is gazing at the stars. This particular time out from the real world often occurs when I am out with my dogs. I always take out my dogs before going to bed for the night, it usually occurs between the hours of 3-5am. Its a wonderful time, when all the world is asleep and its relatively quite and I am just left with the beautiful night sky. I'm always at awe at its beauty. Its so beautiful, wide and open. It goes on for forever. The clouds are so high and the stars are so beautiful and bright. Stars are one of my favorite things. They are just so magical and wondrous.


But I guess not all weather is magical and wonderful as the beautiful night sky. There has been a lot of talk about Hurricane Ike and its intended path for Texas. Many are afraid that it will be another Katrina. All the red cross and other "rescue and aid bringing" company's are preparing for the worst. I some times feel as though that is what I am doing. I feel like I know bad things are coming and I am putting up the sand bags and preparing for the worst. I had built up "levee's" around my heart, things that I thought would protect my heart. I wanted to be sure that I would never have to experience heartache. I was always going to be prepared for the worst. But I let down my guard, and I let someone in, and although it was a fabulous time, in the end, it was a disaster. I had my own "hurricane Katrina." It may have not been as disastrous but it was detrimental none the less. And over the last month I have done my best to rebuild, but I feel like I must prepare for another "hurricane Ike" or the next bad thing to come along. But I don't want to be this way... I want to just allow myself to enjoy life. I want to enjoy God's beautiful creations, I want to stare at the night sky and think of happy times. I am going move forward and enjoy life, and not just think of the bad that could be coming, but know that for now I am protected. I am safe and protected from harm, and I can only hope that my leaks have been mended and I can one day soon let down my guard, and let someone in again. For there is nothing in the world that could ever make me happier. I want to enjoy the beauty that is around me.

No more teflon

Dear Oprah,
I am uncertain of exact numbers, but it is my understanding that your audience is roughly 75% women. I have a question for you: Do you really believe all of those women are just plain dumb?

I have seen news shows reporting you have chosen not to have Governor Sarah Palin on your show. Obviously you get to make any choices you want, just as I will be choosing to tune you out until the end of your reign. Let me be clear, I am not turning the channel on you because you will not have Sarah Palin on your show. While I think Governor Palin would make an interesting guest (given the challenges she faces as a working mother of a special needs child and a pregnant teen...which seems right up your alley as far as programming topics),like I said, you not having her on your show is not at all why I am turning the channel. I am making this choice because you are dishonest.

You have said you do not want your show to become a political forum. By not having Governor Palin on your show, that is just exactly what you are doing. Especially given the fact that Barack Obama has been on your show. Yes, I know it was before he was an official nominee, but let's not split hairs. The very thought of you portraying your empire as non-political is asinine.

The reality is you are a Barack Obama activist. You support him. You have made your choice. You stood at a rally in Iowa and told us all the reasons why he is the candidate for you. That is not my issue. If I tried, I could not care less who you support in this election. I think for myself. I have never bought into the Oprah fanaticism. I do not diet because you decide it is time. I do not read a book because it has your stamp of approval. I do not buy products because they are good enough to grace your list of favorite things. Most importantly, I would certainly never vote for someone just because the all-mighty Oprah says so. All of that to say again, I do not care who you throw your name behind in this election.

What I care about is that for some reason you will not woman up, you will not truly be that powerful, woman of integrity you sell to us mere mortal women everyday on your show. Why not just look into the camera that has made you who you are and say: I support Barack Obama. I can't have Sarah Palin on my show because he probably would not appreciate that.

You won't do that because you are not the woman you sell to us on television and radio each day. That woman you sell is one who preaches and teaches strength, truth, and empowerment. You only live what you preach when you are standing at a podium in Iowa surrounded by people that, without a doubt, support the candidate you endorse.

It must be so tiring and tough to be you. How difficult is must be to walk the fine line between embracing your candidate and keeping women of different demographics happy. Because isn't that really what this is all about? You can't possibly put it all out there, not like you did at the rally in Iowa. You are afraid of what the stay-at-home white mother of three might think. You can't be that honest with her. You have to sell her feel-good, make-her-cry books and stories. You have to sell her diet tips and celebrity interviews. Tell her how to do self breast exams, and what jeans look good on her.
But stand up and say, look ladies I am sure Sarah Palin is fascinating, but I can't have her on because Barack is my candidate...no, you can't say that because you don't have the guts, and that is the bottom line.

So, I simply ask that you stop trying to sell me a gutsy woman. It borders on false advertising, and is quite insulting that you think I will buy her. And since you and I both know you will never stop, I am turning the channel. I know of others who will do the same. We weren't asking for much, just truth. Unfortunately, your truth changes depending on your audience.

Frankly, your Messiah complex was tiresome and boring to me years ago. I have long been both frustrated and baffled by the women who bow down at your Manolo Blahniks. You have been dubbed the "Teflon Diva", inferring that you are untouchable, indestructible. For your information, I don't care who thinks it is the best product around, I am tired of "teflon" and I won't be buying it. Oprah, you do not speak for me.

I am calling on the TRULY strong, honest, powerful women in this country...women who will never grace the cover of a magazine or a list in Forbes. I am calling on wives, mothers, daughters, friends and sisters. I am calling on single moms, stay-at-home moms, working moms, and women who want to be moms.

I am just one person, the most typical of typical. But, I refuse to be fed dishonesty and distractions any longer. Oprah, that is why I will be turning the channel on you this Thursday, September 11th. I do this in honor of the real Teflon Divas of America, the most typical of typical.

Sincerely,
Natalie Anderson

Laughing with Ellen

I have written a few blogs about things that I enjoy, things that make me who I am, things that make me happy. So to continue with that tradition I decided to write about another thing that makes me happy. This time it would have to be the person that just has the funniest personality ever and that is Ellen Degeneres. I haven't been a long time follower of Ellen, I frankly just never was home or awake when she is on air, and it was just something I never thought of. But I have my sister Lauralee to thank for showing me what a funny comedian she is. Her show has got to just be the funniest thing ever! And I am so glad that her new season has started this weeks, and also that I have DVR to be able to record them all so that the laughs never stop. She also has blogs that she writes on her website every now and then, and there are some that literally leave me in tears.



SLEEP BLOGGING

I have been waking up in the middle of the night lately...and it's always at 3 o'clock in the morning. You can set a clock to it. If anyone needs a wake up call at 3AM, I am happy to do it. In fact, its me who keeps calling Hillary Clinton in all those commercials. I have no trouble falling asleep. Its just once I wake up, I can't get back to sleep. Then I hear sprinklers somewhere. "Are those my sprinklers? Is that in the front yard? Do they go on in the backyard at the same time? That's a lot of water. How do sprinklers work? I'm sort of thirsty. If I go into the kitchen, I'll be up for hours. No. I 'm just gunna go back to sleep. I'm lying in bed, I'm tired; it's a perfect recipe for sleep. Here I go..." Then I hear that bird! That one relentless bird. He has a whole routine. It's a musical number, really. It's like Mariah Carey's in a tree outside my bedroom window. The sun isn't up yet, why is that bird? I realize the early bird gets the worm, but he's just singing. He's not even looking for a worm. If he were, his singing would scare them away. Maybe he has insomnia too. But why does he have to take us all with him? I'm not calling everyone I know just cause I can't sleep. "Hi, whatcha doin'? Sleeping? Lucky you." Are the other birds as aggrivated as I am? A little later in the night, I hear another bird start singing along. At least it sounds like he's singing along...he's probably saying...he's probably saying, "Shut up!"



This was on Tuesdays show I thought it was pretty funny, Ellen talking to Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh two time olympic gold metalist in beach volleyball.

All part of my job...

Last night when I was at work I decided to check up on a beautiful little girl that I had the opportunity to take care of sometime back at the beginning of the year in like March or so. It was the saddest case, her and her twin sister had what is known as Niemann Pick Type C syndrome. I found out that both of the girls have passed on, one in May and the Other in July. They would have been 2 this month on the 7th. All my patients have an effect on me in some way or another, some more than others. This is a patient that really found a special place in my heart in a hurry.
"Niemann-Pick Type C (NPC) is very different than Type A or B. Niemann Pick Type C patients are not able to metabolize cholesterol and other lipids properly within the cell. Niemann-Pick Type C disease is very rare and there are about 500 cases diagnosed worldwide. It is believed, however, that the number of people affected by NPC could be higher, but diagnostic difficulties do not allow an accurate assessment of the occurrence rate. NPC has been initially diagnosed as a learning disability, mild retardation, "clumsiness," and delayed development of fine motor skills. It is not uncommon for a family to spend several years seeking a diagnosis before NPC is identified. NPC is always fatal. The vast majority of children die before age 20 (and many die before the age of 10). Late onset of symptoms can lead to longer life spans but it is extremely rare for any person with Niemann Pick Type C to reach age 40."
It was the saddest thing to see this most adorable little girl who was 18 months old and only the size of maybe an 8 month old. I never got to meet her twin sister but she has the most amazing parents who really had a good handle on the fact that they were care takers for these two little girls who didn't have a long life ahead of them. I was so impressed with how well they were dealing with this for such a short time and how this surprised pregnancy had turned out to be way more than they had bargained for. On their website there was a blurb that their mom had written about how she was able to deal with this: " A lot of people ask me how I keep going – how I’m not totally falling apart. I feel like God is giving me the strength to do this – he chose me and my husband to be the girls’ parents because he knew we would take the best care of them no matter what. So that’s what we do, and we take it one day at a time. I am so thankful for my children, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I just wish there were more I could do for them – but that’s why we will keep fighting for a cure, and we won’t stop until we find one. "

www.angeltwins.org

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same"

Only in Texas

You might be from Texas...

1. If you find 60 degrees "a little chilly," you may live in Texas
2. If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Texas
3. If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas
4. If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas
5. If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas
   
6. If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Texas
7. If a tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel
8. If You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day
9. If you know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade
10. If a bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first
11. If you know everything goes better with Ranch dressing or hot sauce
12. If you can say 110 degrees without fainting
13. If you no longer associate bridges with water
14. If you discover in July that it only takes two fingers to drive your car
15. If you actually burn your hand opening the car door
16. If you discover a seat belt makes a really good branding iron
17. If you have ever been trick or treating when its been 90 degrees outside
18. Or if you have ever hung Christmas lights when it is 80 degrees outside
19. If a carbonated beverage is called a "Coke" no matter what the brand.
    
    
    Texas Vs. California
    
    
    
    Somebody from California apparently wrote the top part, but somebody from Texas came back and put them on their asses at the bottom.
    
    CALIFORNIA:
    
    - I can wear sandals all year long
    
    - I go to the Beach - not "down to the shore"
    
    -Our chicks are WAYYYY hotter than yours. Well...Miami can hang.
    
    - I say "like" and "for sure" and "right on" and "dude" and "totally" and "peace out" and "chill" and "tight" and "bro" and I say them often
    
    - I know what real cheese & avocados taste like
    
    -Everyone smokes weed and its no big deal
    
    -We'll roll up 40 deep when something goes down.
    
    -I live next door to Mexicans, but we call them American's!
    
    -All the porn you watch is made here, cause we're better and thats how it is
    
    - I don't get snowdays off because theres only snow in Mammoth, Tahoe, Shasta, and Big Bear
    
    - I know 65 mph really means 100
    
    - When someone cuts me off, they get the horn and the finger and high speed chase cuz we dont fuck around on the road
    
    - The drinking age is 21 but everyone starts at 14 (legally 18 if you live close enough to the border)
    
    - My governor can kick your governors ass
    
    - I can go out at midnight
    
    -You judge people based on what area code they live in, and when asked where you're from, you give your area code
    
    - I might get looked at funny by locals when I'm on vacation in their state, but when they find out I'm from California I turn into a Greek GOD
    
    - We don't stop at stop signs... we do a "california roll"
    No cop no stop baby!
    
    - I can get fresh and REAL Mexican food 24 hours a day
    
    - All the TV shows you "other" states watch get filmed here
    
    - We're the Golden State. Not the Cheese State. Not the Garden State.....GOLDEN!!!
    
    - We have In-N-Out (Arizona and Vegas are lucky we share that with them)
    
    - I have the most representation in the House of Representatives, which means MY opinion means more than yours, which means I'm better than you [geez.... hahaha]
    
    - The best athletes come from here
    
    
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    
    TEXAS:
    
    Ahem... So.. Um.. yeah... I read this, and thought I would reply...
    
    
    Hey... California listen up... Texas is where its at!
    
    - I too can wear sandals all year long... plus I can put on boots to stomp your toes and I won't even stick out.
    
    - You may be able to go to the "beach" instead of the "shore"... but can you go to the drive thru "Beer Barn?" What now surfer boy?
    
    - You're chicks aren't way hotter than ours... they are almost equal... and thats only due to silicone, saline, botox, lasers and hair dye... We have the real ones and they can beat yours up.
    
    - We're taught to say "Yes Sir" and "Yes Ma'am" and respect our elders because of it. We also say "Howdy" and "fixin" and "Yall" and we're pretty much recognized right away anywhere in the world :) We're famous.
    
    - You may know what real cheese and avocados taste like... but I know what 100% Grade A Angus Beef tastes like. Who wants avocados and cheese when you can have steak and potatoes?
    
    - Haha... who do you think grows the weed and sells it to you?
    
    - Why roll 40 deep when something goes down if 5 corn fed country boys can get the job done...
    
    - I live next door to Americans, but we call them Mexicans.
    
    - About your Porn.... 3 words... "Debbie Does Dallas"... You can brag about it now, but we started it
    
    - Why would you brag about not getting snow days off?
    
    - We're smart enought to know 65mph means 65, but our speed limit is 70.
    
    - - When someone cuts me off, they get run over by my big ass truck, then I give them the finger and tell them to go back to California.
    
    - The drinking age is 21, but if you aren't chasin the beer by 1 yr old... you're behind.
    
    - Yeah, Well my governor became the President of the United States... yours isn't even eligible.
    
    - You can go out at midnight? Thats nice, I haven't even come home by then.
    
    - Ok... you said,"You judge people based on what area code they live in, and when asked where you're from, you give your area code" We don't judge and when we're asked where we're from, we say,"TEXAS," and that's all that needs to be said.
    
    - Yeah, you'll definitely get looked at funny when you come to visit but we have another name for you pretty boys, and its not Greek, its French.
    
    - Of course you don't stop at stop signs... none of you can drive.
    
    - You can pick up Real mexican food 24 hours a day huh... well I can swing by home depot and pick up 24 Real mexicans anytime of day. Can you say catering?
    
    - All the tv shows get filmed there... but where does your favorite poker game from? Texas Hold'em anyone?
    
    - You can keep your golden state... We're the Lone Star State...the one and only!!
    
    - Do I have to remind you about the drive thru Beer Barn again? Does In-N-Out serve alcohol? (Oh and did I mention Dr. Pepper was created in Texas?)
    
    - You guys have the best athletes huh?... Eight words... Lance Armstrong and The University of Texas at Austin
    
    Though I could mention MICHAEL JOHNSON - Olympic Sprinter, World record holder in 200m and 400m, 5 Olympic Gold metals, 9 time World Champion (born Dallas, Tx)
    
    Oh and remind me again who won the Rose Bowl between USC and Texas????? I believe it was the LONGHORNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    - Football is a religion, not a sport
    
    - 90% of football "movies" you guys are making are about Texas Football.
    
    -Varsity Blues, filmed in Georgetown, Tx - Friday Night Lights, filmed in Odessa, Tx - Necessary Roughness, filmed in San Marcos Texas
    
    - Texas is the only state that can still separate to become its own country. The only way California's gonna accomplish that is if another earthquake comes along and you guys sink into the ocean. Can you say Atlantis.... hahaha
    
    And as the Great Sam Houston once said "Texas could survive without the United States, but the United States could not survive without Texas."
    
    
    

Don't worry, be happy

My coworker has told me that I need to work on "cheering up" my blogs because she is tired of my being unhappy and my blogs are depressing. LOL That is not my intention, I am not intending to depress anyone reading, I write to get my feelings down so that I can move on. And that is exactly what I am trying to do. I am wanting to make the best of the situation I have found myself in. So what if all the dreams I have had for myself have not seen realization. They will happen! Just not right now. So now I have to heal and move on. I have been hurt, I have found myself in a situation I have worked so hard to avoid. But I am a good person, and I have a lot to offer to the world. And I will get better don't worry.

Broken

Don't hang up, can't we talk
So confused it's like I'm lost
What went wrong, what made you go
Don't pretend you don't know
This is me I'm unchangable

When did we fall apart
Or did you lie from the start
When you said, it's only you
I was blind, such a fool
Thinking we were unbreakable

[chorus]
It was you and me, against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said
Was it something that I did
Cause I gotta know what made me unbeautiful

[verse 2]
I've been told what's done is done
To let it go and carry on
Deep inside I know that's true
I'm stuck in time, stuck on you
We were still untouchable

[chorus]

[bridge]
Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up
Cause I'm only dreaming
Get out, get out, get out, get out
Get out of my head now
Because we're much better altogether

[chorus] x2
... made me unbeautiful

I know I have it before, that music speaks to me. It speaks emotions that I may not or will not convey. I keep going though the lyrics of this song as I sit here thinking. I wonder to myself where I went wrong, what I did to deserve feeling like this, but I really don't think that "I" did anything, or truly deserve this. So why? When you date someone, someone that you thought you were in love with, that told you they were in love with you and it ends, you would hope for the "sake of the relationship" that it would take at least a few months for the other person to move on. Maybe Im wrong in this, I guess its just what I thought would happen, but I made the mistake of looking on Brian's myspace page tonight. I thought it odd that his comments were hidden, but my sister Amy has taught me how to view hidden comments and I found this comment from a girl saying something like how much she missed him and how she wished he was there cuddling with her right now. So curious I went to her page, everything was hidden on her page as well, but I could again read the comments of him telling her how much he missed her. Then the emotions hit...the girl is 18 as of 10 days ago, Brian will be 29 in January. First thought is nasty! But quickly followed by anger, that is matched with sorrow. I can't explain whats happening to me, its like im right or im wrong and everything is upside down. Everything is spinning around and its freaking me out. I literally felt my stomach and heart hit the floor. Im sick, and im at work, and there is nothing I can do about it. I tried to distract myself, I went to check on my patients, take vital signs, give medications, that took up 20 minutes of my time! Now I have a little over 3 hours left. How could he do this, how can he move on in less than a months time? Apparently im just that easy to get over. I feel as though the band aid has been ripped off. Only this time, it took more skin with it, it hurts and it hurts bad. I can't help but feel angry, bordering on hatred. I don't really hate him but I hate that he made me hurt this bad. They say if you love something let it go, but they never say what to do if it never comes back to you.

Drowning

Ever feel like in the "boat of life" you are taking on more water than you seem to be able to get rid of?


That you are drowning and are reaching out for help for something to keep you afloat but the things that you grab on to, the things you take hold of to bring you back, to give you some sense of stability are not really floatation devices or anything that will give you aid. In fact they are more like weights, things meant to drag you down even further. There are days where I feel like I'm in spiraling funnel. Like I want to grab onto the sides to stop myself from slipping even further but there are no holding devices, nothing to help me stop. There are days where I feel fine, where I'm "happy" and content but those days are quickly followed by bad ones, and the bad ones seem to out number the good these days. Maybe its just emotions talking, I guess its a bad time of the month, but I went from feeling so happy, a few months ago, like I had everything going for me. And now I feel like life has given me one hell of kick in the pants and I'm sprawled out on the ground. Now I want to get up, but every time I try someone steps on me. It really isn't this bad, I'm drowning in a 3 foot pool. I'm in the shallow end and all I have to do is stand up and I will be ok, but its just not happening.

I love my dogs

There are few things in life that are guaranteed to make you happy. Everyone has their own idea of what that may be in their lives, but for me it can always be my dogs. Not everyone is a dog person, some people don't mind them, but don't exactly care for them (that would be my mom) and then there are people who just truly despise dogs and would be perfectly content never having them in their lives. (that would be my aunt Julie) Then there are the people like me that are dog lovers! While I would admit there are different extremes of dog lovers. I wouldn't classify myself as on the extreme end, but there is something about having a dog that really makes me life complete. They are the ultimate companion and they always love you no matter what. When I am sad or in pain, my dogs know it. Especially Cooper, he is really good at being right by my side, he always can sense when something is wrong, and he will just make sure he is really close.

He loves to give kisses

I guess not everyone loves dogs, and doesn't mind sleeping with them, and cleaning up their fur, and getting kisses and such, but there is nothing I love more.

You know your a dog lover if...

You can't see out the passenger side of your window because of all the drool marks and nose prints
You refer to yourselves as Mommy
Your dog sleeps with you.

• Your dog eats cat poop, but you still let her kiss you (but not immediately afterward, of course).
• You like people who like your dog. You despise people who don't.
• You talk about your dog the way other people talk about their kid.
• You put an extra blanket on the bed so your dog can be comfortable.
• You'd rather stay home on Saturday night and cuddle your dog than go to the movies with your sweetie. (ok that may be a bit much!)
• You don't think it's the least bit strange to stand in the back yard chirping "Daisy, pee!" over and over again, while Daisy tends to play and forget what she's out there for (but what your neighbors think of your behavior is yet another story).
• You match your furniture/carpet/clothes to your dog.
• You never completely finish a piece of steak or chicken (so your dog gets a taste, too).
• You make popcorn just to play catch with your dog.
• You keep eating even after finding a dog hair in your pasta

I think she was laughing at me

Dancing