bananas on board

I have mentioned many times before that I just love Ellen. She says the funniest things. Here is a monologue of hers. I thought I would share.

I live high up on a hill. Not at the top. That's where the castle is. I'm right below. The streets are very narrow, winding and long… they're long and winding roads. I'm going to stop quoting songs in just a minute. I noticed that people drive like crazy on these streets. Sometimes cars are parked on both sides of street, which makes it extra narrow and dangerous. Normal people say, "I should go slower, in case a car is coming," but I guess I don't live around normal people. When I'm driving and I approach someone coming the other way, I slow down, pull over as far as I can and give them that head nod that means, "You go ahead." Usually they just stay there. It's like a four-way stop where nobody makes the first move. So finally, you say, "You had your chance, sucker!" Then you gun it. Then they decide, "Well, maybe I'll go."

The same thing happens with carts at the liquor store… I mean, the grocery store. There's always somebody who leaves their cart in middle of the aisle. I just move it out of the way, but I'll be very casual about it. For some reason, moving someone else's cart seems illegal. I don't know why. It's not even their food yet. They haven't bought it. Technically, you should be able to shop out of their cart if you see something you want. "Oh, these bananas look riper than mine." I think the rule should be: If your shopping cart is blocking the aisle and you're not around to move it, people should be allowed to shop from your cart… or put extra stuff in. So, if you're ever at the grocery store checkout line and the guy in front of you says, "These aren't my bananas!" and then pulls out a five gallon tub of Marshmallow Fluff and says, "I didn't put this in here!" -- you'll know I'm somewhere close by.