Lets talk about love (post revisited)

Its been 7 months since I first visited this topic. Since then the concept of love has been weighing on my mind. First off it was in the form of why don't I blog like I used to. I of course blame the shift in my working schedule. I'm no longer up til 4am, at least, every night, so I'm not up all night thinking. But I also wonder if it had anything to do with my happiness. Ive been hurt a few times this year. One time more severely than the other, but each time I learn and I grow. Ive been hurt, and hurt bad but I'm beginning to thing that I love love. Its not something I would ever call myself an expert at, but Ive had a taste, and I want more. It's a wondrous thing. It's a cure-all. Add a little love to your life and everything else just seems to fall into place. Even if every other aspect of your life sucks, having someone to hold onto, to tell you everything will be ok, makes everything better. I think it's time to let it take over again. Let it rule. Im not writing this to confess that I am in fact IN LOVE, but I am happy. I am very content, so consequently it has me wondering. As time goes by, I find myself unable to trust more and more people, I fear pain that lack of love or the loss of love brings. But I figure, the joy of having love, far outweighs the fear of losing it.

There are many different kinds of love. I love my family and I love my friends, but there is just something about having that one person who gets you, and loves you unconditionally. They put up with all those crazy things you do or say that makes you the wacky person that you are. I have decided that true loneliness exists when you have lost love. I used to be fine being single, but all that seemed to change after finally falling in love. What is it about love, that makes being single, feel so wrong?

Having that one person in your life who is your biggest fan is very fulfilling. I love my family and friends, but they will always be there no matter what (at least I hope they will). It's at least partially due to obligation. Finding someone else in the universe who can't bear to be only your friend and has to have the whole you and is willing to still give you everything that your family and friends give you and so much more is the essential (and difficult) part. I have been fortunate enough to have experienced such love in my life and once I had my taste of it, I am finding it more and more difficult to imagine life without it. Love can kill you, but love can bring you right back to life, too. Love is just too good to pass up. Too good to ignore. Why resist it? Just enjoy it while it lasts and do your best to make it do just that. And if you can't make it last, at least make sure it's not your last one. And hopefully learn from your past mistakes. Do love wrong and the only way to get it back on your side is to take care of it better in the future.

A lot of people wonder why love isn't working for them, but too many people don't do enough work on it themselves. Sure, you might get lucky and stumble upon it, but you have to put in a little effort if you want to keep it going strong. You've simply got to put in the work if you want it to work for you. People, like myself, spend so much time finding reasons not to love, that they miss out on something wonderful right there in front of them. They scare themselves out of it. I have seen it, and done it myself. Or sometimes people start second guessing themselves (myself included) and freak themselves out thinking about why someone loves them instead of just embracing it and enjoying it. A lot of people surely rush into love. That happens all the time. I've seen that, too. But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about those instances where someone you know truly loves someone and they don't even know it. Or they don't see how much someone truly loves them. Or they won't let themselves get past a certain point. They even almost see it themselves. It's right there. It's so close, but they just can't close the deal, because they're scared or they're just not sure. My advice, and this is only advice as it is something I have had to come to terms with myself, its to trust yourself. Don't worry about putting a time frame on love, love knows no rules or boundaries. You know if something feels right, you don't need someone else to tell you its love. You just know. Its a great feeling, so why fight it? This world would be a whole lot better if we all had somebody to love and who loved us back. For that is the greatest gift of all. I hope that one day, I might have the joy that is love back in my life. And this time to stay.

Swine Flu's Gunna get you

In the U.S., more than 30,000 people die every year from the flu.

More than 30,000.

In America, two people so far has died from the swine flu.

One person had been treated in Mexico, only coming to the States toward the end. When it was too late. The other the say had lots of undisclosed medical conditions.

Yet people are in a panic. Joe Biden is telling his family to stay off subways. U.S. officials are saying "There WILL be deaths." People are washing their hands compulsively and staying away from movie theaters and stadiums. I've even heard people say they wouldn't eat at a Mexican restaurant right now.

It doesn't matter if it makes sense or not.

If you have flu symptoms, go to a doctor. Get treated. It's that simple. Don't stop eating pork because someone 'twittered' the untrue rumor that you can get it that way. Don't go out and invest in a surgical mask. Don't cancel your vacation to Florida because Biden said we should avoid airplanes. Just calm down.

It doesn't help that every day you login to read the dramatic media coverage of events. "The U.S. has 68 confirmed cases in five states," the Associated Press reported Tuesday. 45 of those are in New York.

Uh-oh. Better cancel that trip to New York. And if you encounter anyone who has been to New York, walk away immediately. Stop shaking people's hands, start carrying antibacterial hand gel around with you everywhere you go. In short, live your life in fear.

I'm curious just how many cases of REGULAR flu are out there right now. In the U.S., it has to be more than 68. In fact, last year REGULAR flu killed 83 children and 36,000 adults, according to the Centers for Disease Control. That's 306 deaths a month. That's around ten deaths a DAY.

Got your antibacterial soap now?

Your likelihood of dying in a car accident is much greater than your likelihood of dying from the swine flu. In fact, it is estimated 115 people die in car crashes EVERY DAY. So if you cancel your plans tonight and stay home, THAT should be your reason. Not your fear of catching this flu.

Don't blame the media. They prey on your fears. Your fears lead you to buy a paper or tune into the evening news. They're just giving you what you want.

Don't blame the government. They HAVE to be prepared and they HAVE to inform. If they wrote the swine flu off as no big deal and massive amounts of people died from it, they'd be held liable.

I'm not saying you shouldn't be informed and be careful. Certainly, you should. But should you barricade yourself in your house and refuse to let your children to go to school because of it?

I don't think so.

When will I learn?

I own my own house. If I don't do things around my yard, they either won't get done or I guess I can pay someone to do it. So for some reason I tend to forget that I have a bad allergy to fire ants and I always try and do things outside. I either walk outside with no shoes or only flip flops not thinking. Or like today I was trying to use my pooper scooper to pick up a piece of chicken daisy had left in the backyard. It was covered in ants but I just was scooping it up and sticking it in a plastic bag. But those little buggers are quick. They climbed up the handle of the scooper and invaded my hands in a matter of seconds. I currently have 4 bites, 3 on my right hand and one on my left thumb. I put bleach all over my hands but they are still swelling some. It just neutralizes the venom if they are fire ants. I hate those stupid ants. They make my life miserable! Now I just wait, and hope the swelling stops soon.

Chick Fil A

LOL he and I think a lot a like.

Twlight

My heart hurts

I got an email from a old coworker yesterday that worked with me at Medical City. She knew I had taken care of this little girl many many times over the 3 years that I worked there. She was someone that would stand out to anyone. Partly because of her medical condition, she was so young and had a trach. She would be left alone all the time, over night and everything. She was only 6 when I started taking care of her. She had a hard time sleeping alone, she always wanted me in the room with her, and she would have me sit by her and she would rub my rubber gloves til she could fall asleep. As she got older, she got more ok with being alone. By the time she was 8, she was so used to being neglected that it didn't even phase her to sleep alone in her room at night. What did bother her was that her parents would put her in diapers everytime she went into the hospital. They didn't like dealing with her going the bathroom, when she was hooked up to an iv and such, the little time they were there. Well I found out from this coworker that she has been in the PICU for quite a while with pneumonia. I guess she isn't getting better, she is on a ventalator and her family has given up on her. They have signed a DNR and they are just waiting for her to pass or they will take her off the vent and basically just pull the plug. They don't care about their child. They always made excuses when it come to being there for her. Her mom actually said she couldn't come to the hospital because she was dusting. They don't care and they have given up. And now the sweetest little 9 year old girl is going to die. It just breaks my heart.

For those who asked

Yes I did go on my date with Peter on Friday. We went to dinner at Texas Roadhouse and then over to the grapevine mills mall which was closed except for a few things. So we just walked around and talked. Then we just went in my car and sat with music on and talked and laughed. It was so much fun. I kept saying we should probably go home but neither of us wanted to leave, so it was 230am before we finally said goodbye and went home. Then Saturday I went to lunch with Holli and BJ's before she had to leave to go home. I chatted with Peter on instant message on my phone for most the day and we decided that we were going to do get together again that night. So after going back and forth he decided he would make the drive over to my house. He showed up and I was watching American Idol. He doesn't watch it so I had him watch Adam Lambert, but the rest he said were boring. All they did was sing ballads. LOL Then we went and grabbed a bite to eat at Grande Burrito. I was trying to ask him a word in sign language but me being my smart self asked him what it was in spanish. LOL We had a good laugh over that. Then after dinner we came back and watched the end of the Mavericks game with Melissa. After that we watched Bedtime stories and half of Seven Pounds before it got too late since he had an hour drive back home. We had a really good time! He is a really fun guy and he makes me laugh, not to mention that he laughs with me, when I have to laugh at myself for being such a retard. Anywho I made him take a few pictures with me the first night. We had a lot of fun!

We tried to ride on the little kid cars, but man I almost got stuck, no room for my legs


I took the picture before we were ready lol

Yeah I was laughing a bit much

Peter riding the bus

I got on the upper level of the bus

Chillin in the car

Peters crazy face lol