The Big Girl Panties Are Kinda Scratchy

"Grow up!"

At some point in time, you heard it too. From your parents or a teacher, maybe a significant other or a husband or wife. Maybe one of your closest friends lost patience with you and said it out of frustration. Oh, just grow up already!

What does that mean to you, to "grow up?" To have achieved a state where you can handle your own life with the least drama and distraction? Some might suggest that the meat and potatoes of being a grown-up are financial independence -- you have your own place, a job and resultant paycheck, and hopefully health coverage. Bills get paid on time, and your credit's good. You file your taxes and suck it up when you owe Uncle Sam. You can complain about all if this, but you act like a grown-up, because to do otherwise is unwise.

In other words, your life isn't a drag on others. You're not a "dependent" anymore. I suppose that could be considered "grown up." I have never really prided myself on being called a "grown-up" and many of you who know me know that I reserve the right to act like a child every now and then, and sometimes it may be more often than I should. However, all and all I think I have reached the point where my responsibilities creep up everywhere and I can no longer deny that I am in fact a grown up. I used to tell myself that once I was married, I would then in fact be a "grown up." However I am going to be 29 in a matter of 2 months, and I really can't wait for that "excuse." Besides, I know a lot married people, who are more of child than my 12 year old sister.

However being a grown up is not strictly a financial thing or reaching a certain age thing. Part of growing up is being able to say your sorry, and realize that you have made a mistake, (whether intentionally or unintentionally) and someone got hurt. Its taking responsibility for your actions and realizing that you are not always going to be right. And sometimes even when you are without a doubt "right", being the bigger person, and bowing out of an argument when you realize no solution is ever going to be reached.

I think that growing up means realizing that the "way you are" does not have to be permanent. You can always change! You CAN become a better house keeper, you CAN learn to mellow out. You CAN learn to make a list, and you CAN learn to go without. You CAN learn to be a little more laid back, or you CAN learn to take life a little more seriously. Just because you are a certain way now, does not mean that you cannot learn to change. Part of being a grown up is being flexible for change. Maybe the way you have learned to do things is not necessarily the best way to do it, or the one that will bring the most happiness to you and those around you. Growing up may mean that there will be change.

I think that growing up means remembering you once said, I love you and that you meant it, no matter how things ended. Being a grown-up, too, means having a really good memory when it comes to the person who stood by you in all those bad times. Grown-ups don't cheat. Well, they do, but they're not being grown-ups when they do it.

I think that growing up means being able to say "I don't know." And letting go of that child-ego that made you feel as though everything you thought and believed was not only right, but indeed fact.

I hate having to be a grown-up, I really do! I hate cleaning house and doing laundry (I swear I just did it YESTERDAY, why does it have to be done again!?!). I hate paying my bills and balancing my money to make sure all my bills get paid and on time. I really hate taking DVDs back to the video store on time. Blockbuster knows that in certain cases they will have to call me 2 or 3 times, and in some cases, they will just have to charge my card, I might as well just keep the movie....

But the hardest part about growing up is the change that has to occur inside that tells you how to live sensibly and diligently, with compassion and fairness to the others (even when you don't get it back in return). Sometimes it's comes naturally, but often, you have to sit down and ask yourself, "Am I handling this like a mature adult?" That's always a tough one to answer. The internal "grow up!" command we give ourselves is sort of like eating your mental and emotional carrots. They suck, but they're good for your "vision". LOL Being a grown up is not always a fun thing to do, but it is the RIGHT thing to do.

I'd hate to think that everyone was truly "grown-up" all the time. That would be boring, wouldn't it? Everyone should run, when they want to, ride bikes, eat Twinkies, watch cartoons on Saturday morning, if that floats their boat. There are nonthreatening ways of being delightfully childlike to the people around you. The key word here being child"like" not childish.

But at the end of the day (or the night), we're all grown-ups again. Because we know, childhood is over and gone.

Monica Night

For my last night before having to return back to work I was able to go down to Saginaw (near Fort Worth) to visit my friend Monica. She said she has been a little down lately, so we came up with a great recipe for smiles. We went to the Grapevine Mills Mall for dinner, movie and crazy pictures. A guarantee to make at least ME smile. It was a great night, we had a blast. Food was great, and movie was great, expect for not the ending I wanted. I hate it when a movie is perfect right until then end and then bam, not the ending you had waited for during the whole movie. *sigh* Oh well, it was still a great night!

A photo to start off the night

A photo Op

"They're Real and they're Spectacular"

Always entertaining myself

HUH?

Just like Kayne West

HEHE

Too cool

YUM!

I love to try on hats!

All smiles at dinner

What Ive have learned...

• Nobody will ever care for you as much as your mother
• My parents are a lot cooler now than when I was 16, but my dad can still be a big goober
• I learned that somethings are just not worth starting a fight over ....sometimes you just have to compromise. Really pick your battles rather that fight over stupid stuff.
• As many friends as I have....I can only count my true friends on one hand
• Ive learned that there is nothing I wouldn't do for the right man
• Money does not buy happiness but it sure as hell makes this life easier
• Ive learned that if you look for true love, you wont find it.....it will come to you when you least expect it.
• I REALLY want to be a mom some day soon
• Ive learned that praying every night really makes you feel better
• Ive learned that it takes a very special man to capture my heart.
• I take a lot of stupid pictures, but it makes me happy so I keep doing it
• Its all in the kiss
• Falling in love is the most amazing feeling in the world. You feel like your on top of the world
• A broken heart is the worst pain anyone can ever feel and as much as you think you wont move on and heal.....you really do!
• I love to write, it frustrates me because I want to like what I wright, but I love to do it!
• I would never move out of Texas if I could avoid it
• I don't like to be serious, I would must rather laugh
• I just don't like my birthday
• I love gifts that show you know me and that you thought about the gift before giving it to me
• If you ask me if I need help I will most likely say no, I'm stubborn like that
• I'm just not an outdoor person
• I don't like to be dirty
• Don't take anyone for granted....you never know when they will not be here anymore
• I'm not always happy, and that's OK too
• I love thunderstorms, especially when I'm in bed
• I don't like to stress, and will do most anything to avoid it
• I need sleep, I'm grumpy if I don't get it
• Movies are my escape
• I believe how you treat your mom is how you will treat me
• Whats the point of rules if they aren't made to be broken every once in a while
• Im not good in large groups, I just don't like them
• Im simple, no need for something big or fancy to impress me
• I judge myself harder than anyone else
  

Is there such thing as soulmates?

According to Wikipedia. "Soulmate is a term often used to designate someone with whom one has a deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, love, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one's soul for which all souls are driven to find and join. However, not everyone who uses these terms intends them to carry such mystical connotation.

One theory of soulmates, presented by Aristophanes in Plato's Symposium, is that humans originally were combined of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spending their lives searching for the other half to complete them."

Surprisingly, many singles hold to the notion-either consciously or subconsciously-that there is one perfect, preordained partner for them. They were made for each other, the thinking goes, and they mustsimply locate this person or forever feel incomplete.

This thinking is fueled by many Hollywood love stories in which a man and woman are united after a series of near misses and obstacles. At long last, they gaze deeply into each other's eyes and embrace, usually amidst the swell of violins playing in the background or fireworks exploding overhead. And they know without a doubt that they-the two of them and only the two of them-were meant to be together.

For many of us, religious faith fosters the one-perfect-person idea. We often hear the saying, "It was a match made in heaven," implying that God handpicked a particular man and woman to be joined together. If these two somehow goof and marry someone else, they have missed God's perfect will.

I admit that the soul mate supposition is appealing. We love the notion that out of the millions of people in the world, my sweetheart and I were drawn together in a way that was totally outside of our control. But, frankly, I think this idea is more fantasy than reality, more storybook whimsy than real-world wisdom. I don't believe that you could only be completely and blissfully happy with one person to the exclusion of all others.

I think that this belief has become a great hindrance for people today. I believe soul mates are made, not born. You start with the ingredients for a highly compatible, successful relationship, and then you work to develop closeness and intimacy. Does this mean you lower your standards when it comes to finding a partner? Absolutely not! It simply means you "expand your field of vision."

I believe that there are many people in which a successful marriage could be created, with some work. Nothing is easy, but it is possible. But keep in mind, there may not be just one person that is your match or your other half, but know that the one you do choose, will be your soulmate if you want them to be. You just have to find the person who makes you whole.

My weekend

Man I am just plumb exhausted, I have been cleaning all the carpets in my house and that is just a lot of hard work!
Anywho, I had a really good weekend this past weekend and thought I would share a little about it. Chet and his daughter Valerie came down this weekend for the first time. Let me tell you I was quite nervous for them to see my house, and meet my family. But it went really good! As soon as they arrived Valerie got dressed in her Dorthy costume from Wizard of Oz for some trick or treating with my sisters Friday night. It was tough work keeping up with Valerie and Macie, they were really enjoying trick or treating and they were running from house to house. After the trick or treating we came back to my parents house so the kids could dump out their candy and examine their loot. We got to hang out and chat with my parents for a bit before leaving to go back to my house. There we had a "slumber party" according to Valerie. She and I sat on the couch together and Chet was stuck on the other couch and we watched movie after movie and ate Buffalo Wild Wings. First we got to watch Over the Hedge, then Sleepover, and last but not least Barnyard. (all Valerie's choice of course, but I can't complain they are movies I own) Valerie and I stayed up til 330am, and Chet fell asleep sometime around 2. Then she decided it would be a good idea if we left him asleep on the couch and she and I had a sleepover in my room.
On Saturday we went to lunch at Jalapeno Tree, and then to my parents for a bit to pick up Macie. (Valerie's new best friend, how quickly I was replaced) We went to the Stonebriar mall for a few hours and Val and I even got to have fun at Build a bear workshop after Macie had to leave to go babysitting.







After the mall we went back to our parents to pick up Macie again since her babysitting job got canceled and Val needed to have her best friend. So then we went out to eat to Olive Garden. We were quite the little "family." Macie and Val booth look a lot alike with their blonde hair, so it was easy to think they were related. Our waiter let me order first and said, "mom what do you want." You should have seen the shocked look on Marcie's face. lol Then later he made some comment about the "sisters." I told Chet that we were really going to rock his perfect idea of us, when we have to ask for separate checks lol.
Later that night we stayed up and watched the big kids choice of To Fast to Furious: Tokyo Drift. Then it was off to sleep so they could leave Sunday morning. It was a fun and pretty relaxing weekend!



Too tall to play, but oh well

Playing with the crabs


Riding the Carousel. Don't they look thrilled lol

Slow to anger

My sister Sharon and I were talking tonight, and we got on the topic of people who are quick to anger or get annoyed or pissed off. She was saying, that its just not worth it to her to get mad over so many things because if you allow it, you can be annoyed about pretty much anything at any given time. She said, that you can choose to be miserable or you can choose to just let some things slide off your back. When we were younger, our mom tended to get mad over a lot of things, and it became somewhat embarrassing to us. We were often found saying, "mom its really not that big of a deal!" It just wasn't worth the the huge ordeal that was created.
Sharon and I were realizing that we were very similar in this aspect. To us, its just not worth it for us to get mad about everything. We decided that this was a conscious decision we both had made, we choose to not sweat the small stuff, and sometimes some even bigger things. So what if things don't always go the way we had planned!?! Its not like getting upset changes the outcome. So why not work on being slower to anger. It makes relationships with those around you go a lot slower, when you learn to bite your tongue.
I love my talks with Sharon, she is my advice person. She always knows what to say or to make me feel better or to provoke thought. Its good to talk to her every now and then, she helps keep me level headed and grounded. Thank you Sharon for all your thoughts and insites!

Unloading my thoughts

I started to read a book I bought a few months ago, called Mars and Venus together forever by John Gray P.h.D. It has a ton of great info and I only made it half way through the 5th chapter, 100 plus pages into the book, and I have learned so much information. The 5th chapter has been so far my favorite and has offered the most incite. I was reading one evening and got a tad carried away with my yellow highlighter, half the chapter is now yellow. The chapter is called "Masculine Skills for Listening Without Getting Upset." The chapter is mostly geared to men, but to me it gave me a lot of insight into myself. The chapter is all about teaching a man to do whats called "ducking and dodging." It explains how women tend to react so emotionally, but its not always rational or factual. Women need to share emotions, and by allowing them to do that, and essentially ducking and dodging the emotions she is displaying, she is able to sort through her feelings, and if the man can duck and dodge and not take blame for the emotions she is displaying, a lot can be accomplished. This however is no simple task. "When a man listens to a woman without ducking and dodging, he will repeatedly assaulted by her words and begin to feel blamed, criticized, unacknowledged, misunderstood, rejected, mistrusted, or unappreciated. No matter now much he loves her, after about three direct hits he will no longer be capable of listening to her in a supportive way. War breaks out." It then goes on to explain how women still need to be protected by their men as in days of old. "Security is the most important gift a contemporary man can give a woman. In hunter/nurturer societies, that security was primary physical. Today's it's emotional as well. When a woman feels secure enough to share her feelings with the man she loves and he can listen without being wounded, the relationship can thrive." "The freedom to express emotions safely with their mate's help is vital to woman. Men inevitably express surprise at how much women need to feel safe" The author then goes on to talk about the timing of sharing emotions and what women want when they share these emotions. It has been said time and time again as complaints from women that the problem they have with sharing their problems or feelings with their mate, is that men tend to want to solve their problems. The problem with this is, when a woman is upset, she rarely has the ability to appreciate solutions. "This is because what she needs then is to be heard, not fixed. In some cases a solution makes matters worse by minimizing or even invalidating her feelings." This in turn creates more problems in on the side of the guy because "by offering a solution before a women is ready to hear it, a man is setting himself up to feel rejected- significantly decreasing his ability to continue listening without getting more upset." When a woman is upset, she first wants to talk about it and then decide later what she thinks should happen. A man mistakenly assumes that he has to give in to her feelings and sacrifice what he wants to please her. He feels that in order for her to be OK again, he either has to give in to her point of view. And if he doesn't agree with what she has to say then he feels driven to point out where her argument is lacking to get her to agree with him. "What is required in a relationship is that men control their instincts when they are feeling blamed or attacked and not retaliate." A woman doesn't want a man to give in to her just because he wants her to be happy. A woman admires a man who can have control of his emotions and the sensitivity to respectfully consider her point of view as valid perspective. "Women are turned off by passive and submissive men. They don't want to be the boss in an intimate relationship. They want to be equal partners. If a man respects a woman's primary need to be heard, she will respond by becoming equally respectful of his wishes." The act of dodging is a very difficult task to master. When you hear a woman speaking to you in all emotions, its very easy to think that she is blaming you, the man, for everything wrong in the relationship. And your initial response would be to correct her and prove her wrong in her every misspeaking. The only problem is this kind of approach only creates immediate conflict and friction. "It may convince a judge, but if a man uses such tactics in his intimate relationship, he'll end up using them next in divorce court." The author then says "rather than feeling challenged, I have learned to interpret my wife's questions as a plea for me to "hear" her. When woman become emotional, they generally ask questions as a sign that they need to be questioned themselves so they can explore their feelings." The more a man says, the more there is for a woman to question, and the more upset he will be come. The more words a woman speaks, the more heard she can feel and the more appreciated he will be. The technique to remember here is to delay the answering of questions by asking more questions. Answer her questions by asking her to talk more. "A man will always be tempted to defend his point of view. He instinctively feels that if he could only share his understanding of the situation she would feel better. In truth, she will feel better only when he shares in her understanding of the situation. When a woman feels heard and validated, she can relax. Otherwise she feels she has to fight to be heard." Men assume that when women talk with feelings that they are inflexible, that they have already made up their minds when in fact she is not making conclusions or expressing fixed opinions. When a women shares negative emotions, she is generally in the middle of the process of discovering what she feels to be true. She is not stating an objective fact. I woman talks to "discover" the range of feelings within herself - not to give an accurate description of objective reality. "When a man expresses a feeling, its more like a fact-something he believes to be true but doesn't have a lot of objective evidence to back up. This is not what a woman means when she shares her feelings. For women, feelings are much less about the world and more about their experience of the outer world. For women, feelings and facts are very different animals."

When you read this kind of information, it is meant to someone bridge the gap between men and women. To somehow help us communicate to a better degree. So here I am armed with some of this new information, but its easier said than done, right. I was talking with my mom today, about how funny it is when you are younger to just get married. But the older you get, the more set in your ways you are, and the more experience you have, so you know more of what you do and don't want. The hard part is being older and not being so set in your ways that you can't find balance with someone. Sure you have your ways of doing things, and they work for you, but the world won't revolve around you forever. Its had for some people to realize that not everyone thinks the same way that you do. My mom and I were talking about making beds. It bothers her so much when people don't make their beds everyday. And we have family friends that we have known for 18 years and my mom has said she has just gotten used to the fact that when they come visit they will never make their beds when they leave. She said she has had to realize while that may be important to her, it honestly doesn't cross their minds, cause that is not what they do at their house. Its important to have flexibility in your life, to realize that while some things are important to you, they just may not be important to the other person.